You know… NONE Go into Missions Because They Love to Listen.
Earlier this week, my wife and I were doing training with a group of volunteers who serve as “Welcomers” or Missionary Member Care volunteers for Filipinos who serve as cross-cultural missionaries. Many of them were pastors or pastors’ wives. We were promoting the “Active Listening” and the “Ministry of Silence.” My wife was sharing how important it is to listen empathetically with full attention to the other person. I chimed in giving one of my favorite lines– “I know this is difficult for many of you because no one goes into the pastorate because they love to listen.”
People will often laugh a bit at that… but because it is largely true. Most pastors I know talk… and they talk a lot. Most tend to be extroverts or at least functional extroverts. This is hardly surprising. I remember being in seminary, and the Preaching professor on the first day stated that he believed that the most important job of the Pastor is preaching. In other words, the most important job of a pastor is TALKING. That professor is now a friend of mine… maybe I should ask him if he really believes that or was simply seeking to be motivational since it was a class on preaching.
In seminary… all MDiv students were required to take two classes on Preaching/Homiletics. They were also required to take two or three classes on Teaching. We were required to take a class on Evangelizing and Discipleship… but the focus was always on the talking side of things. There was no class on Listening.
Missions isn’t really different. When we were applying for being under a mission agency, that agency stated explicitly that a prerequisite to being accepted by them was that the candidate was evangelistic in lifestyle— in passion and in action. And when they were talking about evangelistic, they were talking in terms of proclamation and apologetics— in other words, a lot of talking. I have attended quite a few classes on Christian missions, as well as seminars. I have also read quite a few books and articles. I have never seen a course or training on listening as it pertains to Christian missions.
As far as articles, there are some that imply the importance of listening— especially those articles centered on interreligious dialogue or research on other religions. In these, the emphasis is placed to learn by asking people in a group rather than asking about a group. However, it does still seem to be more of an activity for missions researchers and missiologists rather than training for missionaries.
The gospel song (or hymn) “We’ve a Story to Tell to the Nations” suggests a common attitude of Christians generally, but even more for ministers and missionaries— we have something important to tell others, but others don’t really have much to say that deserves our attentive listening.
I do, however, think that an excellent course for every missionary trainee to take would be “Introduction to Listening.”
Listening is hard. I do think some are more gifted at it than others. For me, it is often very hard. My inner monologue easily drowns out a lot of what I pretend to be listening to. Even when I am listening, I am easily distracted, and often spend my time thinking of what I am going to say, and am impatiently waiting to jump in.
I am not alone in this. I had a guy who worked for me in ministry (as seminary student). More than once he would ask me a serious question. I would do my best to give a serious, thought out, and nuanced answer. When done, he would respond with— “That’s what I thought…” and then would summarize what he heard by saying almost exactly opposite of what I said. I don’t thinking he was being humorous. I think he was listening poorly and limited his listening to confirmation of his own beliefs.
In missionary member care, we told our trainees to get comfortable with silence. We are not on the radio or in a podcast where “dead time” is a big problem. If someone is telling their story, it is okay to focus on trying to understand what they are saying and what they are feeling and what they are meaning. One can focus on trying to decide how to respond AFTER they are done speaking. If that means there is some seconds of dead time… that is fine. One can say, “Wow! That gives me something to think about. Please give me a moment,” if one is afraid the silence would be misinterpreted. In regular conversations it can be more difficult. In some cultures it is assumed that there should be a gap of time between different people speaking. However, there are other cultures where the responses should be filling in the gaps seemlessly, each responding quickly like a verbal equivalent to playing ping-pong. Some other cultures even idealize overlapping conversations.
I still would say that giving time and attention and openness of both mind and heart are key skills for a missionary. If I am bad at it? Well… that does not mean it is not important. It simply means that I have more work to do.
