Review – Forty Creek, Barrel Select, (No Age Stated), 40%
I’m a grandfather now. Crazy, I know. Although not half as crazy as the world into which my grandchildren are being born. I just learned that people are selling pictures of their feet to websites for cash. Apparently, there are lucrative fetish markets out there that few of us know about. In 2019, Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan duct-taped a banana to a wall of Art Basel Miami. He sold the piece for $150,000. In fact, he did it three times—until an art student came along and ate the banana. Nice.
A few years ago, a Japanese company began selling cans of air from popular Japanese locations. A can of air from Mount Fuji currently goes for $10. I wonder how much a can of air from Aokigahara, the “Suicide Forest,” goes for. Since the Japanese consider the forest haunted, and most avoid outings there, I’ll bet it’s rare and expensive.
Not to worry, though. If you want rare, Gwyneth Paltrow’s company “Goop” has psychic vampire repellent in stock at $500 a batch. And McDonald’s has partnered with rapper Travis Scott for a limited-release and slightly higher-priced “Travis Scott Meal.” The special meal includes a Quarter Pounder with cheese, fries, and a Sprite.
By the way, all three of those menu items have been available at McDonald’s since 1971.
I used to think that hobby horse competitions were proof that the world may be losing its mind. Now, a casual scroll on one’s mobile device delivers a seemingly never-ending wellspring of ridiculousness—like luxury coffins complete with Wi-Fi, climate control, and sound systems. Even as I write this, I just received an email from someone concerned for my health and asking if I’ve ever considered bug-based protein bars. Just know I’ll put a bug-based protein bar in my mouth at the exact moment I put my head in a vice and turn the crank until my strength gives out.
Oh, dear grandchildren, what a world you’ve been given. I wish I could spare you from it, but alas, I cannot. In the meantime, may I direct your attention to one of life’s relatively untouched certainties? Indeed, and amen, whisky has experienced its occasional weirdnesses, and yet, it remains relatively constant. Various grains are employed in a four-step process of mashing, fermenting, distilling, and aging. When all is accomplished, an elixir is born, one that I believe was meant, in part, to soothe this world’s restless foolishness.
Although, sometimes, the resulting elixir doesn’t fulfill its divine ordination but instead causes more concern than ease. The Forty Creek Barrel Select teeters very near the edge of this premise. While not terrible, it’s more… well, it’s kind of… okay, it’s just not that great. It’s a thick and syrupy dram of overly sweetened bourbon pretending to be Canadian.
The nose is concord grape jelly and burnt corn. Yes, you read that correctly. The palate is thick caramel with a vodka-like burn, which is strange for such a low-octane dram. A caramel apple emerges near its end. However, the apple has burnt corn stuck to its exterior, making it somewhat clunky toward the finish. Thankfully, the finish is short, offering up a splinter of spiced oak and a tad bit of grape jelly aftertaste.
In the end, the Forty Creek Barrel Select is by no means the best escape from this world’s madness. It struggles to find a sturdy footing, which is what’s needed as humanity continues slipping into undoneness. Still, people are buying it. Some are dropping significant coinage to buy it in 1.75-liter containers. But then again, plenty of folks are buying virtual real estate. Again, yes, you read that correctly. People have spent thousands, even millions, on virtual land in games like “Second Life” and, more recently, in the metaverse. In 2021, a plot of land in the virtual world “Decentraland” sold for $2.4 million. I suppose in the scheme of things, with that kind of nonsense happening, a few bucks for a bad (but drinkable) whisky isn’t a big deal.
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