Do Good – Part 1: Something for Yourself
“What have you done good for yourself lately?”
One of my great aunts would often ask when she saw me. Back then, I didn’t usually have an answer. I’m not sure how I responded, but there wasn’t much that I was doing for myself.
It was a chaotic time of life. I barely took time for even the most basic self-care. I had two young children that I homeschooled, my parents were going through a rough time with health issues, and I might have to drop whatever I was doing to drive five-ish hours to go home and help out at a moment’s notice. My youngest had night terrors. I’ve always been a night owl and it seemed like the only time I could have quiet time to catch up on chores or to write was at night. By the time I did go to bed, one of the kids would be up. I seldom got enough sleep, so I’d end up sleeping later than intended, making me feel lazy and behind on everything. I was struggling to get my chores done. My hubby was often away for work. If I had “extra time,” I usually spent it on the couch scrolling through social media or just feeling anxious and stuck.
At some point, I worked out a basic cleaning routine. I usually got the laundry washed and dried, but I often forgot to swap it and had to rewash a load. It seldom got put away and would sit for days in a basket that we’d pull clothes from as needed. I kept the bathrooms clean, but there was a never-ending pile of dishes. It frustrated me because I couldn’t stand cooking in a less-than-perfectly tidy kitchen.
A couple of years before, I’d died. I refer to this time as “reboot.” My hubby and I were relaxing and watching a movie in our basement. He was scheduled for a work trip but that got canceled. The kids were all tucked in. I remember the movie was particularly loud and flashy, and I had a headache already. I don’t recall much else about that day, but as we watched that movie, I had a seizure, and my heart stopped. Luckily, he was there, and it didn’t take the fire department long to respond and shock me back. (I’m so thankful for that!) It was a rough time in the following weeks and years. It seemed like one thing after another piled onto the mess that was our lives. Even so, we were blessed.
I’m blessed to be here today with no ill effects from the events of that night. It took me longer than I like to admit to start making time for myself. I tried many times. It was frustrating because I had things more together before kids. I saw other moms (including my own) handle homemaking and caring for their kids in what seemed like a flawless manner. I felt like I was failing.
I took online challenges and classes from Crystal Paine, Allie Casazza, and others. Somewhere along the way, the things I learned from these classes and other ladies in my life started to stick.
Today, if my aunt asked that same question, I could say, “Here are some things I’ve been doing that are good for me”:
My Morning Routine – Nearly every morning, I try to wake up before my kids. I do some stretches (some of them while still in bed), take my vitamins, drink some water, then have a cup of coffee, read from my Bible and current devotional, and do a brain game (Wordle or a cryptogram.) I also use this time for prayer, for my morning hygiene routine, and for making the bed. I check my social media memories and see if there are any messages or comments that need replies, and then I’m off social media until the end of the day. This is my leisure time. I’m not rushing through to check off boxes, but using my time wisely and enjoying the quiet moments beside my hubby. Your morning routine may not look like mine. Choose things that relax you and motivate you to start your day. Making time for Jesus – (If you’re not a Christian, insert “making time for my faith.” But for me, it’s Jesus.) I pray pretty much all day, but I also have dedicated prayer and Bible time for just me and with the kids. It makes a world of difference. Learning Something New (or building on things I already know) – I’m taking Spanish with Duolingo, learning piano with the Simply Piano app, and taking classes or reading how-to books on writing and painting. The first two only take a few minutes a day, and I’m making progress, which feels good and is good for my brain. I try to do my classes while my kids work on their school assignments. Find something you want to learn. Maybe you can learn how to crochet or knit, garden, hunt, or fish from a friend. It doesn’t matter what you learn; learning helps keep your brain healthy. Making Time for Hobbies – I make time to write (not always as much as I’d like) and time to paint and read. I volunteered for my writer’s guild as managing editor, sold some of my art at my previous home’s local art council, and made a reading goal two or three years in a row that I’ve met or exceeded. Even if I didn’t meet those goals, though, at least I’m reading. Being Intentional – It’s so easy to let social media take over your time or let things like work and chores seep into your family time. I’ve worked hard to be present and in the moment. That isn’t always easy. We have a lot of interruptions in our day, but I try to have intentional time with my kids and my hubby. Screen-Free Day – No mindless scrolling on social media, no computers, phones, or tablets. Just being present in each moment with people, books, nature, or board games. I try to do this once a week. It’s great. Screen-free week is even better, but when you need to blog, market, and do other things of that nature, it’s not so easy to accomplish. I’m working on planning my work out in batches to make screen time less. Taking Back My Time – I no longer have FOMO. I don’t try to do everything and have my kids do everything. I don’t over-schedule our time; It’s been great! I also don’t feel the urgency to reply to texts, calls, or messages right away. I take the time to focus on the task at hand and give it my attention as much as I can. Decluttering – Finding Allie Casazza and her take on minimalism was such a blessing. I had so much emotional guilt over rehoming things. I’d feel guilty because so and so gave it to us or because we spent money on it. Learning to be grateful for the use I got from it and learning to let some things go is an ongoing process, but I have made progress with it. Especially with my wardrobe and it has been a game-changer. I no longer dread those piles of clothes or the sink full of dishes. Evening Routine/Bedtime – I’ve done this most of my life, but when things got crazy, I’d end up skipping it, and it would make things crazier for me. At night, I try to set things up for the next day. I set our clothes out if we have someplace to be the next morning. I plan breakfast to prepare ahead as needed—locate the ingredients, what I want to cook, etc. I ensure my purse, keys, and everyone’s shoes are where they should be. Otherwise, I will run around like a chicken with its head cut off, and likely arrive at my destination late and grumpy. Keeping a Commonplace Book – This began as a writing practice only for my writerly things. Now, I use my commonplace book for my to-do lists and journaling, too. I like to write special memories or work through my emotions in it. Spending More Time Outdoors – I won’t quote stats of all the latest studies, I just know I’m more happy and relaxed when I get more outside time. Changing My Mindset – Phillippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, [1]whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. “ Sometimes it’s positive quotes that I’ve read or Bible verses that resonate with me, but I say these in the morning and throughout the day as needed. It helps to stay positive. Showing Myself Some Grace – I’m not perfect. I will mess things up or fall short once in a while. But I learn from it and move on. I’ve learned to let go of expectations that don’t serve me and expectations from others that don’t serve me. It doesn’t matter what others think or say. Don’t let others pull you into their anxiety or anger or whatever. Pull them into your calm. My calm comes from Jesus. Trusting in Him makes this all a little easier.These things have made a difference in my life and my family life. It takes some time to change your habits and mindset. I got a planner and put small goals on my list. I did this for a few months (and I still do it), but I do many of these things on autopilot now.
If you’re going through a rough patch in life, I just want to encourage you. These things have helped me and I think that they can help you, too. If you need a change, don’t be afraid to try something different.
What have you done good for yourself lately?
