The Swipe Volume 2 Chapter 29
I’ll begin, if you’ll indulge me, with an extract from the Introduction to William Wordsworth’s The Prelude, which speaks strongly to the reason TLC and I find ourselves up in the Lakes time and again. Willie was from around these parts, of course—educated in Hawkshead, lived and worked in Grasmere—so he understands the draw of this wild and beautiful place.
The earth is all before me. With a heartJoyous, nor scared at its own liberty,
I look about; and should the chosen guide
Be nothing better than a wandering cloud,
I cannot miss my way. I breathe again!
That’s as highbrow as you’ll get this week.
Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.
Rob is reading…
More Rivals Of Sherlock Holmes by Hugh Green. An excellent 1973 anthology featuring a plethora of Edwardian detectives and thieves, who popped up in magazines and cheap novels following the success of that guy from Baker Street. There’s a lot of fun to be had here—these tales are as much puzzles as stories, and a lot of the pleasure comes from seeing if you can solve the case before the end of the story. There’s also some lurid character work—you can see hints of future comic tropes in personalities like Professor S.F.X. Van Dusen, The Thinking Machine; the shape-shifting Colonel Clay; and of course, the irrepressible Arsène Lupin. This is a sure way to get those little grey cells working, mes amis…
Rob is watching…
The sun glowing on the hills across the beck from the cottage. Prettier than Strictly, more spellbinding than Agatha.
Yes, this is the view from the front of the cottage, taken at around 5pm on Thursday.Rob is listening…
To the hush of the wind through the trees, the plush of clean cool water running in rivulets down from the hills to the torrents at the head of the beck, to the sweet song of grey wagtails as they flit past… you get the idea.
Rob is drinking…
Look, I didn’t plan to be on holiday during a week celebrating my very favourite cocktail. Sheer luck, I assure you. Yes, we brought Campari, sweet vermouth and gin up the track to the cottage. It’s practically everyday carry at this point. If you haven’t indulged yet, you still have time, or better yet take yer old pal Rob’s advice—every week is Negroni Week.
Rob’s Low-Key Obsession Of The Week…
Throwing luncheon meat onto a Cybertruck
I’ll be honest, I’m working on the creation of an army of corvids to do my bidding and aid in my final goal of planetary conquest. But you have to start somewhere, so this advice from Sierra Godfrey seems useful. Baby steps. Soon my empire will rise.
How To Make Friends With Crows
Who said time travel is hard? If you think about it, we’re all chrononauts, moving into the future at the rate of one second per second. But if you want to move a little faster, there are ways and means. Here’s a basic primer.
I managed to miss Star Trek Day on September 8th (please note my advice regarding Negroni Week above). But we can all strive to make a better universe, building a Federation one good deed at a time. It seems sad that we have to use a science-fiction franchise as a framework for good social behaviour but hey, if it works it works. Make it so.
I have never really got martinis. All the fancy glass wear and performance simply mask the fact that you’re paying primo prices for a large glass of neat gin. Time to refine the process, and bring back a drink with a little more class. Don’t listen to Winston Churchill—that man was a raging alcoholic.
Just—just read the headline. If you’re not yanked into the story after that then you have no business reading this newsletter.
I have been made aware that the time and effort spent in delivering The Swipe to you every week is not reflected in any sort of financial renumeration. I have been advised this needs to change. With regret, but in the sure and certain knowledge we will henceforth bring to market a product which will deliver a significantly improved end user experience, I present a framework for the forward direction of The Swipe. Please be sure to read to the bottom.
Hope You Like Our New Direction.
The story of Ray Bradbury’s struggles with the screenplay to Moby Dick is as dramatic as the film itself. It features an Ahab and a white whale in one person—the cinematic giant, director and massive pain in the tuckuss John Huston.
Modern finance is almost impossible to understand. You think the global economy is based in the simple exchange of money for goods and services? Oh, my sweet summer child. Please, take the time to read John Lanchester’s review of two books on the situation, which will—kinda—clarify the situation while terrifying you utterly. Oh, and Gary Stephenson is worth checking out on Insta and/or TikTok. He will shut down any muddle-headed notions of how the markets work with brutal efficiency.
So. Sigh. The whole pet-eating thing. I’m lucky to have a degree which gives me the tools to instantly see bullshit in the media when the hosepipe is pointed in my direction. For everyone else—start here.
Eating Cats In Ohio: A Journalist Reports
Last up, as Armando Ianucci’s latest show comes to air, here’s a look behind the scenes on how modern franchise films, and particularly the Marvel and DC Cinematic Movieverse, have developed production techniques which allow chronic indecision and micro-management to take the place of proper story-telling. A very worrying but somehow unsurprising state of affairs.
I need a song to sum up the week—days spent under a big sky, in sacred ground with a power flowing through. I need The Big Music. Luckily, I know the man to turn to. Turn it up, Mike.
See you in seven, fellow travellers.
