Men can hate their bodies too.

Earlier today, I posted this as a caption on social media:

“Where did your abs go?” a dude messaged me recently in response to some shirtless beach picture I’d posted in Hawaii.

It went to my spam filter so I didn’t see it until just now and idk how to feel about it.

On the one hand, I’m aware that that’s how so many people found out about me. As GQ put it, I was “Ethan and his six-pack abs,” so it’s married to the territory. So it’s not surprising for people to have a sort of expectation there.

On the other hand, I’m in an interesting position because people do feel permitted to say hurtful things about my body as a dude. And it stings.

I hope he wouldn’t say something like that to a woman. “What happened to your flat belly?? You used to be so fit!” I wonder if that dude WOULD say something similar to a woman who used to be more fit. Or does he feel permitted to because I’m male?

I know that women are endlessly under immense bodily criticism and even shaming, but I think it goes under-reported that men have struggles with their own image as well.

No, I’m not as shredded as I was 9 years ago when I was the viral ‘shirtless wonder,’ but I’m still not in terrible shape for a 33-year-old so I don’t give a rip (well maybe a few rips…). But I don’t struggle with male body hatred as much as other men I know, and if someone said that to one of my friends, I’d lay hands on them.

Long story short: Don’t say hurtful things about dudes’ bodies because you never know how they feel about it deep down!

What do you guys think?

Let me know while I chug this salad and ugly cry.

And the response was immediate.

Lots of people told me I still look great — but iar I wasn’t fishing for compliments. But many other men said they felt similarly. In bold comments, they publicly said they grew up wishing they looked more like their action figures, the way little girls want to look like Barbie. They saw Batman and Thor’s rippling physiques and wanted their own muscles to push out of their sleeves.

It’s something I see regarding women constantly on social media. They’re posting about loving their bodies and it’s okay to fluctuate a few pounds, and so on (I have no idea why the algorithm always tries to get me interested in them…I just want memes!).

But I rarely see the same sort of posts about men.

I see David Goggins cussing us out and other fitfluencers flying around bars or doing endless crunches (which should be avoided at all costs) with their 13 packs rippling in the sunlight. Interestingly, in Fight Club, Brad Pitt mocks the men in the ads, looking the way Calvin Klein wanted them to look….despite looking like a Greek Adonis himself for the entire film.

I don’t see a lot of guys telling other men that it’s ok to NOT look like CBum, and that women will still love you. In fact, in my experience, women care less about you being shredded and care more about our invisible qualities. Not that they completely disregard the physical, but they tend to be less physically driven than men are.

The response has been heartbreaking and I just want to give these dudes hugs. Ironically, most of the ones who commented are already married so they already landed a lady! But for those of us who are still single, I think it’s important to know that we don’t need to maintain 2% body fat, and we can embrace and care for our bodies in a way that doesn’t twist them into peak physique, beyond their natural design, and we won’t necessarily end up alone.

So maybe don’t tell dudes that they’re getting chubby, or looking less fit, or whatever, even if he jokes about stuff like that. You never know what’s happening beneath the surface.

Maybe men do need to be told that they can still be loved, whether they’re skinny or thick, and they don’t need to be angry at their body until it gets ‘better.’ Healthy, yes, but there is no need to look like Mr. Olympia 365 days a year. We don’t need to shame ourselves for looking normal and healthy, but not runway ready.

Men and women alike need to hear this regularly, and I just feel like the former have not been told that enough. We don’t need to carve ourselves to look like the He-Man action figures we have in our drawers.

What are your thoughts?

e

Day 53 of 100 Days of Blog

Click here to subscribe to my newsletter!

The post Men can hate their bodies too. appeared first on ethan renoe.