Nothing to Something

I just did something. It was unthinkable.
Why did I say that?
Why did I do that?
I don’t know what to do.
I can't come back from this.
I’m the worst friend ever.
I need to be a better person.
I’m Nothing.
Nothing.

I tell myself If I'm better, they will forgive me eventually.
But thinking that if I’m better- will it make me a better person?
I'm saying sorry, watching what I say, and the actions that make me draw negative attention to myself.
I just have to change, even if I don’t want to.
I have potential.
If I change, I’m something… right?

I’m sitting down, not saying anything.
A friend of mine comes and asks how I am.
I tell her I’m fine.
but I'm not.
She tells me she thinks it’s stupid
how he got mad at me
when he did it too.

He did it too?
Are you kidding me?
I was going to apologize,
but now what do I do?
Do I just go to them and say sorry?
How could they make me look like the bad guy?

Am I nothing?
No.
I am something.

A ball of rage.

The day ends, and I go home.
I sit in bed, doing nothing.
I’m just sitting in my thoughts.
I feel like a bus hit me.
How can someone get mad at you when they did the same thing or even worse?
I was in my thoughts for a while and realized I should just forgive myself and my friends.
They must have had a reason.
There had to be.

I’m trying, alright.

I am really trying.

It’s a Saturday.
I got a call from my friend.
I answer.
It’s a decent 5 minutes of awkward silence.
Nothing.
Then one of my friends breaks the silence and says that "I’m sorry."
They told me sorry.
It gave me a feeling of renewal.
Or growth.
Something.

But now I have to forget all the drama and stress I went through.
Or the courage and bravery it will take to have a new start instead of giving up on my only friends
It may help me to avoid something in the future!
Now’s a new start.
I’m Something!
I shouldn’t forget that,
Ever again!Theo B. is a 7th grade writer in Mitchell Middle School.Photo credit: Canva