There is no big revelation: you just need to rest
Sometimes, the right thing was staring you in the face the whole time. We want something else to work so badly that we miss what was already right there in front of us. People too busy chasing the super hot guy, miss the loveable best friend character right beside them. People chasing millions and fame, miss the gifts they already have and the lives that they impact every day.
As I said before, I’ve been warned about the expectations I set for myself and the pressures that come with it, yet I’m still doing it! Why?! The 6 weeks holidays is coming to an end, so I’ve been rushing and stressing to get things done. Why?! Yes, I’ll have less time when I’m back at work, but it’s absolutely fine to still work towards my goals at a slower pace when I’m at work. There’s evenings and weekends and another break in October! Of course, I’d like to finish a draft of a novel this year. I have dabbled in a lot, but haven’t finished any novel drafts (only short stories). But it doesn’t mean my writing hasn’t been vast just because I don’t complete a draft. It doesn’t mean I haven’t worked hard. Forcing myself to finish quickly, only rushes the process and potentially means I end up in the same boat: with more drafts that I don’t feel good about.
What’s the point in that?
I need to accept and appreciate the fact that I have explored my writing style this year. I’ve written in a few newer styles and genres. I’ve tried and tried to repurpose old characters that I love, but haven’t managed to stick the landing. And that’s okay! Exploration is just as important as finishing. I know already that I can finish a draft. I’ve proven that to myself. What I need to do now is find my voice. Find what kind of writing suits me better and makes me feel excited. Then get good at editing and revising drafts.
At the end of the day, I’m burnt out. Burn out doesn’t just last one day and then disappear. I’m tired. I’m low on energy. I’m low on motivation. My mood is very turbulent. It’s okay to take a real break. It’s okay to accept that I may have only started projects, not finished ones, by the end of the year.
I need to go back to work next week feeling capable, not exhausted and depleted. This was supposed to be a relaxing and nourishing summer break, but I fear I’ve wasted it all stressing and pushing. What a shame.
It was right in front of me the whole time: I needed to rest, but I didn’t allow myself to. No big miracle. No huge revelation of what I need to do to succeed and change my life. I just need to rest. My head, my heart, my soul is tired! I’ve worked my mind so much, and my body to be honest, so now I need to give back. Refill the cup for the last few days of this break before I regret it.
What has been right in front of you this whole time, but you chose to ignore it?
Sincerely,
S. Xx
