Three Weeks in 2024: Reflections

I’m back at home, and after three+ weeks of experiencing, absorbing, and processing, I want to share some of that with you. The main reason is that I think a lot about our craft, our industry, and our communities. We’re often hesitant to talk about our work, yet even more so to talk about our work together. I think these conversations are essential to change. So here’s my little contribution to that – both the discussions and the encouragement to have them.

What Did I Do?

In case this puts the rest in context, first Ava Kelly came to Ferndale Michigan from Bergen Norway. We did a book event with Matthew Spencer in Detroit Michigan, then saw some of the city, then took a short trip to Windsor Ontario. Next we went to Indianapolis Indiana for Gen Con Writers’ Symposium (GCWS), after which Chris and I went to Glasgow Scotland for Worldcon, and then down to London England for a live D&D event, and now we are home. Phew!

In this time, I interacted in some fashion with many people in person including: Alex Pierce, Amal El-Mohtar, Ava Kelly, Brad Beaulieu, Brandon Crilly, Brandon O’Brien, the By the Dice Roll team, Carlos Hernandez, Cat Rambo, Celia Neri, Cheryl Morgan, Chris McCartney, Claire Cooney, Clara Ward, Dedren Snead, Ed Greenwood, Erin Evans, Greg Wilson, Karen Menzel, Kat Kourbeti, Kwame Mbalia, Jen Crispin, Jordan Kurella, LaShawn Wanak, Linda Addison, Marie Bilodeau, Maurice Broaddus, Matt Spencer, Mikki Kendall, Mikko Rauhala, Minerva Cerridwen, Muna Khogali, Neil Clarke, Jason Ray Carney, Jesse Holland, P.L. Stuart, Paul Weimer, Rhonda (R.S.A.) Garcia, Richard Lee Byers, Seth Lindberg, Stephen Embleton, Tanya DePass, Tari Toons, Toiya Kristen Finley, Tony Eichenlaub, Victor Raymond, Wole Talabi, Wolf (Joyce) Chng, plus insightful friends like Aaron, Christofer, Core, Didi, Josh, and Rita and Joe – plus co-panelists, fan societies, volunteers, booksellers, readers, event attendees – you know who you are, and I see you.

Is this to name drop? No, not even. Memories, friendships, and interactions are dear and personal to me, never points. But. I do want to make clear that these reflections are not simply one writer/editor with words to say, but a thoughtful person who cares deeply about the craft spending weeks around some seriously talented and insightful people absorbing, asking, and observing (and sometimes getting the advice that doesn’t go out in public or in writing, including here) to figure out in what ways I should and should not go.

Community

So over these last few years, I’ve heard a lot of: “Are you sure you want to be so open on main? Is that good for your image? Good for the image of your press? Its authors?” Same thing I heard with my writing for so long: If you’re the real you, people won’t like you. If you’re the real you, people will leave you.

No. Done with it. Leave, then.

My people stay.

Our people stay.

Sure, I’m going to keep working on how I present myself. But openness? That’s part of the deal. First, I am community. Embracing this has saved me. Also, I don’t have enough years left in my life to untangle appropriate cautions from the stigmas, silences, and shames of the system in private, so I’ll keep untangling them in public.

Living on a Planet

I do need to shout-out to the people who shared all these little treats with me over the past weeks. Just in case you don’t know what a little squirrel I am, no they are absolutely not done. Even the chocolates from Chris’ birthday celebration were just finished today. So, I have hidden in my metaphorical tree treats gifted directly from Canada, Romania, Trinidad, Norway, Belgium, England, Scotland, Germany, and a huge fruit and nut platter that just (literally, as I was typing this) showed up from the United States, and just know what a happy little squirrel I am.

But seriously, living on a planet is cool. If you haven’t thought about that lately, I encourage you to. Like, what a story to end up in. People of all different views and customs and meanings for “lemonade” spinning around a cloudy little planet together, and offering comfort when things are hard.

There was one thing I did notice at Worldcon that I hadn’t seen in my localish travels, which was Americans prominently discussing how intolerable America is. I’m used to the “Canada is so much better” version (a romanticism the Canadians I know find dangerous) but it jarred me more in this context. I get it. Rejecting exceptionalism, recognizing the harm of conservatism, colonialism, capitalism. But then – do that. Popping out on how bad America is feels like another form of centering, especially from a wealthy country, especially in an industry where being in America comes with quite a bit of privilege, and especially as the global fight against fascism continues. Be for art. Be for health care and basic income. Be for human rights. But I think we’re better off in this together.

Anyway, I’m back in my office, remembering that my little space here is also on this very cool planet, and loving the rush and feelings of it. I do owe many people many things, and I know that. I feel a bit like a broken in-ground sprinkler right now, sending out so many “I know I need to do this” / “When do you actually need this” notes – but please know, I’m doing my best and I’ll get there.

I Feel the Wind

At first, some things felt the same. Sitting alone. Being the one person at a table somehow not invited to the next thing. People not caring.

But then I felt little changes. People wanted hugs. People tried to find me because they suspected I was off crying. People smiled because I was there. People reached out. Held me. Said – I understand. People who hadn’t yet met me had really stunning compliments. There was a line waiting to get into my GCWS Micro Fiction Party. The Atthis Arts books were among the first to disappear from the Worldcon freebie area. Industry drama talked about us for a couple full days (sure, the drama piece, not the work, but still). A Worldcon Special Guest called out my name, knew who I was, offering to hang. And I’m returning home with two non-fiction commissions from highly reputable venues.

And I feel … shored up. Stable. Still in the wind, but with techniques to hold on, to smile into its face.

Thoughts on Surety

I got a lot of advice this trip. Some asked for, a lot not, but all welcome – and all very insightful and valuable, and well… Consistent. Some of it, on issues of publishing and conventions, gives me new angles to take, or helps me move forward with confidence – knowing I can hold my ground because enough people who are global experts on these topics are reassuring me.

I have “mused on the internet” about many things, but not very often on something I’ve thought about more and more this year – why do people offer me forgiveness when I don’t offer them forgiveness? Of course I forgive. I’ve forgiven more than my share, I think. But I love and forgive as my heart and soul tell me; it’s not a thing I need to be asked for? I’ll leave all the layers of that as an ellipsis here, except to say that several people said the same thing to me these weeks. Almost never in response, but like, pulling me aside – I need to tell you something. Know who you are / Know what you mean / You are killing yourself every day for people / People need to cut you slack / People need to give you grace …

“You apologize all the time.”

I admit when I’m wrong, and when I’ve hurt someone, I will surely apologize. But the rest of this has to stop. Thank you, every person who told me some version of this. I’ve heard you.

I left with determination.

I returned with surety.

I will take that surety – along with, always, joy and grace – to the next section of this.

What We Talk About

I am asking people to think more about what we discuss. Sure, jokes can be good. Viral jokes can be good. Nonsense can be good. Snark can be good. Doge lived. Doge died. We remember.

But overall – where are your efforts going? What are you amplifying? To what are you responding? When you talk about a person, a place, an organization – what is your focus? Are you choosing that focus, or are you flowing with the discourse? If you are not choosing it, who is? No, not the person you saw discussing it. Where did it originate? What cultural elements is it promoting?

Maybe you’re too tired to come up with something today. I get that. Then – What will you amplify?

I think we’re quite too easy to influence and a full-up community shake and blink would do a lot. My friend’s mother used to wake us up in the morning singing “Rawhide”. Maybe not quite that energy, but whatever works.

A few examples, for now:

Mind your Pokes. If you have enough energy to poke at SFWA over the grant, then you have enough energy to (additionally or instead):

Support writersSupport small pressesSupport literary coverage like Chytomo

Beep the Couch. I used this example a few times at Gen Con, and with the faces I got, I’m going to say it again until people are listening. Again, jokes and release are necessary. But where is the JDV beeped the couch energy for supporting the work? From now on, every time someone tells me some version of I’m asking too much, #SupportBoldIndies is too much, the community is too tired, the forces of power are too strong, we can’t do it…

Hi, we can do it. Beeping the couch was a full-up thing. The energy. The creativity. The interaction. The joy. Find things to support and get down into those cushions.

Watch the Watchers. I’d like to ask you to watch something. The voices discussing our industry, our genre. Do they cover issues equally? What causes one issue to be covered but not another? Is it tied to their own potential gain? Which bridges might be needed? Consider allocating your support accordingly.

I’ve been saying this a while, but the SFWA example makes it even easier to explain without getting into some touchy things. Meaning, that’s my point. People are comfortable going at SFWA, as they have been with other groups that they feel can’t / won’t come at them, or big corporations that they don’t think will see them.

But who covered the disinvitation of Atthis Arts from Origins Game Fair? (Can you name anyone?) Who is covering Publisher’s Marketplace selective gatekeeping of small presses? Who is asking tough questions of … well, see that’s it. There are things that I, still in the middle of, am not the right person to air. But other people know.

Why is our shredding of a check that would have covered 15% of the book’s expenses even after loads of donated time and material the most coverage Atthis Arts has had?

We are not powerless.

Deflating Capitalism

I’ve finally realized what I’ve been trying to say for a while:

I believe we must stop framing things in gold.

Of course, money / currency / resource is essential in this system. Cash money love over exposure, right? The bills don’t care. So I’m not saying don’t discuss it. I’m saying that, I think (!), framing everything with money is causing a lot of harm. I don’t have the energy to go through all the iterations this has gone through in my mind, but let me offer a few notes for your consideration.

Yes, I’ve seen the talk of “the publisher who shredded the check” this past week. On the fora, the chat, the blog. Yes, that was my little family here. But even as I’ve tried to steer the understanding toward sharing Ukrainian stories, even when the focus shifts to the war zone, the focus is the check. To the writers, the editors in Ukraine, it was clear to me the sharing the stories – the empathy, the connection, their hearts and souls, and as they said, what kept them going as bombs landed outside their windows – was more important than money. It wasn’t as much that SFWA didn’t at least note they weren’t paying authors in the war zone, it was that they weren’t helping share their stories (and also paying them). I am really starting to see how essential that shift in framing is.

Consider two headlines:

Check Issued to Charity Antho; Then SFWA Told Antho to Destroy CheckUkrainian Authors told their Stories would be Translated; Then SFWA Rescinded the Grant

Only one is real. Both are true.

Along those lines. We speak so often in tax status, in business terms, in profits. Please, I urge you to prioritize impact. Is it not so much whether an organization is legally “not for profit” or “for profit” but is it “driven by profit” or “driven by impact”? That really needs to be the measure, especially given that in the current system, NFPs are less independent.

Let’s stop doing the capitalism’s work for it. My rough solution, as I continue to consider this: Frame the goals. Frame the impact. Then clarify how to support them.

Most urgently: Speak plainly.

What’s Next?

Now. We move forward. With love, joy, and a shank if we need it.

I’m out of energy for the moment to go through all of what’s ahead, but here are the upcoming releases. Don’t worry; I’ll power up soon and we’ll celebrate these and more through the atmosphere.

October: Storm Tree by E.D.E. Bell (third Alyssia novel)November: Songs for the Shadows by Cheryl S. Ntumy (a Sauútiverse story)November: The Factory by Ihor Mysiak, translated by Hanna Leliv and Zhenia DubrovaMarch: Wolf’s Path by Joyce ChngApril: Wishing Well, Wishing Well by Jubilee ChoOctober: Citadel by Brandon Crilly (second Aspects of Aelda novel)(Audiobooks… much more ahead)

I hope to have many more years with Atthis Arts. With our community. With stories to share.

Thank you, thank you, for being here, for being part of all these overlapping communities. Together is how we do this.

Coping

There are things I want and do not have. I cope by closing my eyes and thinking of those who love me. I let gratitude fill me.

Gratitude

Thanks to each of you who have touched me, in life, or these past few weeks.

We often speak of love, and soul as things they cannot take from us.

But gratitude – it also cannot be taken.

My very best to you all. With Love – Emily.

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