purpose is defined by fullness, not scale
A simpler way to put it is, quality over quantity.
Ever since I went viral 8 years ago, I’ve had this mistaken idea in my head that my purpose, or the value of my life, is defined by the number of people I impact. It’s become a messy issue for me, because if that’s the mindset, then what is the endgame? How many people is enough?
I’ve been happy to make an impact where I have worked, like the twelve kids in my first youth group, or the 60 in my last one, but there was always an itching inside me to expand, to have my books and blog reach more people, so that I would really be worth it. Or so I’d have arrived and could then really make a difference for the kingdom (so I told myself).
Why doesn’t my podcast have as many fans as hers? Why can’t my books hit #1 on the New York Times? Why do my YouTube videos have so few views? etc.
It’s a self-destructive cycle. And of course, it’s borne out of pride and ego more than any real desire to advance God’s kingdom.
No, the emphasis is on Ethan’s kingdom.
And then who suffers when it doesn’t swell to the heights that I dreamt of? Me.
Whereas, if I had a mindset of humility and a genuine desire to advance the kingdom Jesus talked about, especially in the Sermon on the Mount, then the quantity wouldn’t matter so much. The scale wouldn’t be as relevant. What would matter is, Did I do the very best I could to love these twelve kids as long as they were entrusted to me? And if so, then God will be happy, because I took care of what He gave me to steward.
Doesn’t sound glamorous, does it?
But it also doesn’t sound pressurized. The pressure isn’t on me to perform and scale my own platform and ‘make a big impact,’ but to simply obey and live a life of integrity and honesty. It’s like this Bible verse I hate:
make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.
-1 Thessalonians 4:11–12
I think there’s always a chance God may give some of us a bigger platform, but I don’t think it’s what we should seek. I think it’s something that should be come by honestly rather than sought. Like, if I’m living right and being responsible with what God has given me, then maybe He will give me more? But I also have to be okay with Him not giving me more as well. Like, I need to have open hands, lol.
I have to convince myself that the scale of my life is not what gives it meaning. If that were the case, we’d necessarily have to say that the less famous someone is, the less their life matters. Fame is not an inherent good — you could even argue it’s an inherent bad. I mean, look how much my little run-in with it screwed up my brain, lol!
Living in anger and envy of people who do have bigger platforms is a toxic death spiral. Because imagine I get as famous as, say, Francis Chan. Then I’d envy Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Then I get that big and envy Taylor Swift, or whoever. It’s a never-ending spiral.
Jealousy is the slaughterhouse of joy.
What I need to figure out is how to connect this cognitive fact to my heart which is full of desire and discontent. I think that comes from retreating from things that fill my mind with envy (Looking at you, Instagram) and retreating to time alone with God, the biggest audience possible, and the only one that really matters. And with people who know me well and love me well, more than thousands of ‘fans’ would.
What are your thoughts on purpose and meaning in life? What lies do you believe about it all?
e
Day 25 of 100 Days of Blog.
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