Letting go of projects (for now)

Yesterday evening I was writing in my journal and realised I needed to let go of my expectations of my summer productivity. It was hard but necessary. I had lofty goals for summer. 6 whole weeks off from work feels like so much time. And it is; I’m so grateful for it. But the time goes quicker than you think. I’m almost done with week 4 but it still feels like it’s week 2!

Trouble is, things haven’t gone my way. I didn’t realise when originally planning my summer that things would be this way for my family and for my body. So, as I said in one of my other posts, I’ve had to accept and adapt. Now, however, I see the need to remove things from my to do list altogether. For my mental and physical health.

It sucks, it does. But things have unfolded the way they have and I can’t control everything. It would be doing myself, my family and my goals a disservice to still try to do everything. It’s just not possible, and it’s not fair to myself.

It’s important to point out that the trouble with our to do lists and many ongoing projects is that even when we’re not actively doing them, we’re still using mental energy thinking about them. It’s like a red flashing light in the corner of the room, you can’t ignore it. Then if you’re not as productive with it as you wanted to be, you beat yourself constantly about that. That’s a lot of mental energy being drained that has an effect on your physical state too.

The way I’ve reframed it and accepted it, though, is as having things to still look forward to even when I’m back at work. Yes, I’ll have much less free time to get big projects done, but I can slowly chip away at them while still working. In fact, it will hopefully make going back to work less daunting, knowing I still have some exciting projects to work on before the end of the year.

I’ve also made some goals “before I’m 30” goals. So I’ve extended the deadline to April 2025. It’s important to have deadlines, so that you don’t relax too much and become lazy, but it’s also important to be flexible. To be mindful of what’s possible and fair to yourself.

Trouble is, I’m human! I have limits of the mind and body and time isn’t on my side. People aren’t under my control. There’s things that steal me away and halt my progress. I’ve come down with headaches lately, eye pain, jaw tension, right shoulder and wrist pain. A lot of my projects require me to use my arm, so it’s only natural that it is fatigued when it has always been sensitive and weaker anyway. If I push, I could cause permanent damage.

I’d rather things take longer and are better, than rush and injure myself or make things a horrid experience.

So yes, I’m letting go of some projects this summer. I’m admitting defeat! With less on my to do list, hopefully I can do the other things better, too.

Mantras to make peace with this:

Less is more

Focus and prioritise

Better 100% on something than 10% on many things

You can do anything, not everything

You still have time

Sincerely,

S. xx