Disillusion: A Step-by-Step Guide to a Cure
Anti-Delusional Pictograms for the romantically impaired. Designed to be printed and folded so it appears as the first sheet in a box of kleenex.
Dear [Insert Rejected Lover's Name Here],
Curing yourself of obsessive romantic delusions is hard. The mind is a tricky little beast and will, given any latitude at all, consistently reinterpret even the clearest and bluntest messages to its own liking. For this reason, enclosed please find a helpful instruction manual on how to disabuse yourself of any notions of reciprocity.
First, please read this:
I won’t meet you.
I won’t call you.
I won’t fuck you.
These words are clear, they brook no misinterpretation. They apply not only to the present but also to the future, so don’t get pedantic with the verb tense. There is no wiggle room in this missive. Understood?
I won’t meet you.
I won’t call you.
I won’t fuck you.
Right about now, you’re thinking: but he/she said he/she loved me!
That may in fact be true, but if they’ve said this, then they love you in a vastly different way to the way you love them and, anyway, it’s irrelevant to the present discussion. Because you aren’t after some abstract, intellectual affection here, are you?
ARE YOU?
Don’t be coy, answer the fucking question.
NO.
No, you’re not. And just in case your brain has taken in the message only partially and you feel it might be mistakenly sent to you but aimed at someone else… read it again:
I won’t meet you.
I won’t call you.
I won’t fuck you.
In fact, read it out loud. Read it so loud that it frightens your pet/s. Repeat it often. Make it your mantra:
I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you. I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.I won’t meet you. I won’t call you. I won’t fuck you.
Yup. That many times. In fact, probably many more.
Every time you forget this very clear message, and you start thinking: Oh, but maybe…if… It’s time to repeat the mantra:
I won’t meet you.
I won’t call you.
I won’t fuck you.
And, just in case you still haven’t absorbed the message and its implications, or imagine yourself to be illiterate, dyslexic, or deaf, below please find a handy info-graphic.
GET IT?
This learning aide was produced and supplied to you courtesy of sane, non-pathetic, fast learners of the world. Designed to be printed and folded so it appears as the first sheet in a box of kleenex.
