Keeping promises to yourself

I’m doing my first park run today. I can run 5km but it’s not an easy run for me like it is for “runners”. Ideally, I’d like to have park runs every Saturday morning become my norm. Sadly, a part of me knows it won’t be.

There’s always an excuse with me. Too tired. Hurting from another workout. It’s raining. I can’t be bothered to get there. 5km is too far. There’s too many people. I can just do it on my own, why bother with others.

Blah blah blah

I hate that this isn’t the only thing. There’s so many things I’ve said I’ve wanted to do or thought would be good for me and maybe I do them for a brief time, but they hardly ever stick. Is this just normal? Does it mean those things weren’t serving me? Or is it that I’m the problem?

It’s most likely me! I’m the problem, it’s me!

But I do like that I’m a trier. For most things, if it really interests me, even if I’m scared, I’ll still try at least once. There’s only a handful of things that interest me that I still haven’t tried. But hopefully, one day I’ll get the courage.

Why the park runs then? Sense of community; inspiration to keep up my running goals; not neglecting my body’s potential; a “third place” which is a concept that fascinates me and I’ll talk about more another day; good way to start the weekend; and something to do with my husband (although, we won’t run together because he’s much taller and faster so that wouldn’t make sense!).

I’ve really been thinking about my health this year. Perhaps years before, too, but more seriously this year. Someone close to me got very suddenly sick and having to visit the hospital so often, I’ve been confronted by the reality of the fragility of humans. Even seemingly healthy people can suddenly be defeated.

I want to prevent this as much as I can. There’s only so much that’s within our control and healthy choices is one of those things. I can choose what I put into my body and whether I move my body. And I must, while I still can, before I get a preventable illness or disease that changes my life forever.

It’s a great and terrifying motivator.

But I want to do it right. When you do things in extremes, they tend to not last very long (probably my biggest problem with past pursuits). So I’m keeping it realistic and small.

Run once a week (ideally a park run).

Do yoga as much as possible (luckily this is already a habit)

Ride my bike more often (at least once or twice a month)

Take longer walks

Do strength training more often (at least once or twice a month)

Then there’s my diet. Not dieting! Never! But being conscious of my diet. What I put into my body. This is harder yet simpler, in a way?! Half a plate of fruit or veg, less processed foods and less salty/sugary foods. Simple, right? Easy when you’re motivated, sometimes harder when it’s a Wednesday evening and you’re tired.

When being realistic, you need to think long term. It’s somewhat easy to build habits over summer, especially if you’re off work like me. But I need to think about what I’m realistically going to do when the seasons change and I’m tired being back at work. When it’s the cold dark months and outdoors feels like a chore. What will I actually show up for? And being adaptable is key. What will I do instead of the main goal to still keep close to the habit?

I don’t want to be saying the same things to myself a year from now. I don’t want to be motivating myself to do park runs again. I don’t want to be scolding myself for eating crap and feeling crap again. Because the annoying thing is, I feel good when I look after myself and it’s not that hard! I’m not asking for a switch to veganism and 7-days a week workouts at the gym. I’m asking for something small to better care for myself. I truly believe that a lot of my problems could be fixed or made better with this health plan: my mental health, sleep, creativity, mood, energy and digestion.

I hope I can show up for myself and keep promises to myself.

I hope I can respect my body.

Sincerely,

S. xx