Character Interview: Jan from Sárka-Jonae Miller’s “Between Boyfriends”
Today I get to welcome Sárka-Jonae Miller and Jan from Between Boyfriends. Enjoy!
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Q: First of all, I’d like to thank you for agreeing to talk to me. It was just so lucky for me that Fran knew someone who could relate to… well, to what I’m unofficially calling the “anti-dating” perspective for my paper. So, well, let’s start off with something easy. Can you tell me a little about yourself?
A: Well my name is Jan. I’m 21 years old and am a San Diego native. I grew up on Coronado Island with my parents and am an only child. Until recently I was a student at SDSU. I dropped out and decided to give massage therapy school a try. I’ve been told that graduates have a much better chance at getting a job. I don’t really have any hobbies unless you count shopping and drinking. I pretty much used to spend all of time with my boyfriend, but he decided that concentrating on his senior year of college meant he couldn’t have a girlfriend. So now I’m trying to fill up my time with massage classes, working out and trying not to drink myself into a larger dress size.
Q: Now, Fran tells me that you’ve made the decision to definitely not date now. Not just that you’re not dating anyone, but you’re not going to. Did you decide to do this to focus on the massage therapy class, or for a different reason?
A: I was just sick of getting my heart broken. The entire concept of dating is insane. Guys have no idea what they want. They string you along and then dump you when they get bored. Most relationships end up with a breakup and those few that go on to marriage, well half of those end up in divorce. I always hear people say that they knew the moment they met their future spouse that they knew they were the person they were going to marry. Unless you have that instant love-at-first sight connection, what’s the point?
Q: That’s a little bleak, but I guess I can see your point. Okay, so, you’re not dating. How about these massage therapy classes? What made you want to go from SDSU to that? What were you studying before?
A: I finished two years at a community college and got accepted to SDSU. I figured that by the time classes started I would know what I wanted to do. But then it was fall and I realized I would be starting my junior year with no idea what to major in. I hated community college and after hearing everyone complain about how tough classes were at State and how their friends who graduated couldn’t find jobs I just decided not to go. I heard the around 70 percent of women who graduated couldn’t find a job in their field within six months of graduation. Many people seem to have difficulty finding a job period. My massage school says they 90 percent success rate for students finding work after they graduate. It seemed like a much easier and better option. And everybody likes a massage therapist.
Q: Or, at least, everyone likes a massage. *laughs* But I can understand this. And how’s that working for you? Is it filling the gap that not dating has left?
A: Not really. I haven’t really been single since I was 15 and I don’t really know what to do with myself now. I actually had a boyfriend in second grade, but like all my relationships that didn’t last. My massage classes are fun, except lecture days, but they don’t take up a lot of time. I like that. I’d rather not be in class five days a week, but most of my friends are at State and they are always busy. My friend Lisa is pre-med and she works so even though she lives across the hall from me we never hang out. My best friend Nichole is usually up for going out. She doesn’t really take her classes that seriously. She loves to go dancing and shopping and do all the stuff I like to do, when I feel like it, but she’s really flakey. She’ll show up maybe half the time we make plans. At least Lisa is reliable even if she’s more likely to do my homework than go get a mani-pedi. Though half the time I go anywhere with Nichole she disappears with some guy in about 5 minutes. It was fine when I was looking but now I’m not open to a relationship.
Honestly, everything with my friends and with school situation makes staying single really tough. It’s not like guys don’t ask me out, but the ones that do… there’s no spark. I am sure I could make myself like them and it would be fun to have someone to go out with, but any time I start thinking like that I just remember how miserable every other guy has made me.
Q: That’s probably a good thing to keep in mind, then. Have you considered trying to find other hobbies and social circles?
A: I guess I should. The only hobby I ever had was tennis. I used to play when I was a kid. My dad and I even won a father daughter tournament. Then someone “accidentally” hit me in the face with a tennis racket during a group class and I quit. That and my dad was getting so competitive. I didn’t want to be a tennis pro. I just wanted to have fun. Well originally I signed up because there was a cute guy in the tennis program. Then it grew into something fun my dad and I did together. But then it just became about winning and I hate feeling pressured.
Q: I can understand that. So, back onto an earlier subject, do you plan to not ever date again and just wait for that instant spark, or do you think you might start again later on?
A: I really don’t know. I can’t see myself going through all that again. I think on some level we know right away if someone isn’t right for us. But maybe we think the guy is attractive or we like the thrill of something new. We make excuses or focus on the things we have in common and try to talk ourselves into a relationship. Maybe we’re sick of being home alone on Saturday nights. Maybe all of our friends have someone and we don’t want to be the single girl. Maybe there’s a wedding coming up and we need a date. Maybe we just miss physical contact and think a physical attraction paired with decent manners is satisfying enough. So we just keep going out with someone and do everything we can to hold their interest. Pretty soon we have put so much time into a relationship that we don’t want out because we’re emotionally invested even though we know it’s not the right person. And then it keeps going until we meet someone better or the guy breaks up with us, or does enough stupid stuff that he pushes us to break up with him. My stomach clenches when I think of the whole process. It just seems to make more sense to stay out of the game. If I meet someone and I know right away they are the right one then maybe I would be with them, but if I don’t know that right away chances are I’ll just get caught up in the newness and convince myself some new guy is the One.
Q: Makes sense. So, I guess it’s time to find some new hobbies and friends to fill the time in with instead?
A: Yeah. I’m just not really good at anything and San Diego is not the easiest place to make friends. It would be nice to have more people to do stuff with besides go out and try to meet guys. But I can’t see myself joining a knitting circle or an adult flag football team. I’m not really a team player. I guess I don’t really know what I like to do, but this seems like a good time to find out.
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Author Bio: Sárka-Jonae Miller is a novelist and health writer. She has more than 4,000 articles published on topics such as fitness, sports, martial arts, yoga, nutrition and natural health. She has also written about travel, beauty, spirituality, education, home and lifestyle. Her work has appeared on websites like LiveStrong.com and NaturalNews.com, as well as in the “Post-Standard” newspaper, the Washington Home & Garden online magazine, and “Modern Witch” magazine.
Sárka-Jonae is a graduate of the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University. She is as a former personal fitness trainer and massage therapist. She is also an avid traveler, having spent time in Costa Rica, Canada, England, Mexico, and Paradise Island. She has also been to France and Thailand researching her next books. She lives in San Diego with a menagerie, including two cats, two dogs and a horse.
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