The Tradition of Blaming Others for Your Condition
View all responsesMy mother had a tradition of blaming people for her condition. She wasn’t always vocal about it. It was usually a quiet but obvious blaming that had morphed into bitterness. You could sometimes see it on her face, sense it in her attitude, and feel it in her behaviors.
As early as I can remember, I was aware of her bitterness, and it broke my heart. I didn’t want that kind of obsession to take over my life, so I broke with the tradition and worked hard to not blame anyone for anything that happened in my life.
Life continues to give me many opportunities to work on that. I’m still sometimes tempted to blame people and I resist those temptations with all my might. One tool that helps me a lot is to pray by name for the individuals (or groups) I’m tempted to blame and to ask God to bless them in as many ways as I can. I’ve noticed that it’s harder to blame people when you are asking God to abundantly bless them.
Blame and unproven accusations flew in the Bible. The Pharisees frequently used false accusations as a way to try to discredit Jesus. Later many of the same religious people accused Paul. “They brought many serious charges against him, but they could not prove them.” (Acts 25:7)
Jesus said, “Bless those who curse you,” and “Love your enemies.” He taught and demonstrated the forgiveness that sets aside blame. Even as Jesus was dying on the Cross, He broke the blame cycle and said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
The blame cycle began in the Garden of Eden. Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the devil, and humans have been blame shifting ever since. Perhaps our lives would be better if we focused on fixing our problems instead of on accusing other people of causing them.
When you lose,
Rather than accuse
Other people
And excuse
Your own behavior,
Pay your dues
By graciously
Admitting your loss.
To play the blame game
Of spreading your
Unproven views
In order to accuse
Will only confuse
The situation
And distort the truth.
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