Platonic Relationships

Friendships are special. There’s so many stories (film, tv shows, books) out there about romantic relationships and familial relationships but not as many about friendships. Why? They’re the most fascinating ones for me.

Romance can be cheesy to me! And we don’t pick our family, so that’s naturally complicated. But platonic relationships, they’re basically like romantic ones. A lot of the fundamentals are the same. Choosing to spend time with someone, meeting up, exchanging stories, offering help, maybe living together, having a dog together, doing sports together, consoling one another. Some people even have sex with their friends!

My friend and I were talking yesterday about friendships in adulthood. How complicated they are and how it’s hard but sometimes you have to let people go. Friendship break ups are never spoken about but damn are they painful. Especially when you’re ghosted by a friend you needed dearly, and never knew why.

This happened to me. I’m not going to go into the full story as I’m pretty sure I have told it before. She and I were the kind of friends I thought would last forever because we didn’t need to see each other or talk often but when we did, it was like old times. It was easy. Our friendship was special to me. But it wasn’t special to her, in the end.

This is heart breaking.

For some reason, a friendship this deep ending without knowing why is more sad to me than a romantic relationship ending like this.

Making friends in adulthood is hard unless you’re lucky enough to work with someone you love platonically and stay friends with once you no longer work together.

I have one true friend, some people I talk to now and then, and then my other friends are relatives, my husband, co-workers and my partner’s friends who I get along with. To some, this is a bit depressing. But this isn’t school anymore. We actually don’t need lots and lots of friends. And I don’t know about you, but I struggle to find time for those people, never mind if I had more friends!

However, yesterday my friend said something important. That when you end (whether it ends naturally or you end it) a friendship that isn’t serving anyone any more, you make room for new friendships. I like that idea a lot. And I welcome it. She also said how we have friends for different things. Some friends are just chat about books friends. Some are coffee once a month friends. Some are writing friends. Some are work friends. Some are old friends who you can feel nostalgia with. Some are travel friends. Some are partying friends. And only the rare few cross over into every area and become an all-round friend.

I can see how this is true.

We make the mistake in romantic relationships that our partner will be our everything. That they will fulfil our every need. The same goes for friendships. It’s okay for one person not to fulfil every need. It’s too much pressure on them to do so.

But friends are so important. A good friend can mean the difference between getting through life without too many bruises. They can help you navigate life’s pitfalls and all the ugliness. A good friend has your back but also knows when to push you and tell you that you’re being ridiculous. A good friend brings out the authentic, imperfect you and loves you for it anyway.

Now that’s beautiful!

There’s a reason the found family trope is my favourite. There’s nothing more special to me than a makeshift family that one chooses. People who are there for you and make you feel good without being romantic or doing so by the duty of being blood related. People you love and trust more than your own blood. That’s powerful.

And this doesn’t have to be people of the same or similar age. I love stories when a child and an old man become friends through whatever circumstance. Or a mother loses her child and ends up bonding with a neglected child at her school or something. Like those relationships that fill a hole for someone. Unexpected and wonderful. It shows the depth of the human experience. Our need for connection and belonging.

Ahhh, write about platonic friendships!!

Places you could meet new friends:

Through other friends Your romantic / life partner’s friends Sports teams At the gymJoin clubs or groups (check out the site MeetUp)Your family member’s friends Online forums or groups for things you like Doing an in person course or classWork Events At the library or bookshop when you realise you’re reading the same book (this sounds like a romance, but this could start a lovely friendship!)

Sincerely,

S. xx