AS I PLEASE XXVI: LIFE LESSONS EDITION

Next time ain't always gonna happen.

A few short weeks ago -- weeks that feel, now that I consider them, like months in terms of both pain and personal growth -- I decided that it was time to level up. In every aspect of life, I wanted to find myself one full rung higher on the ladder, whether it was fitness, my writing career, my day job, my personal relationships, all of it. If you read this blog, you probably know that part of the motivation came from tragedy, actually multiple tragedies, which intersected with my life (I won't say "happened to me," because they happened to others, souls I cared about). The root causes, however, are less important than the effect, which has me working every day, to some degree or other, toward all my various goals. I now work out twice a day four times a week (and work out once a day, every other day), restrict my calories, eat better foods, no longer drink alcohol at home, and have cut way back on television and non-writing computer time, so I can devote more to writing, editing, submitting and so on. I have stopped wasting energy trying to appear "all right" for the benefit of others when I am far from it, and am more vocal -- or confrontational, when I deem it necessary -- than I used to be. In short, I embraced a much tougher self-discipline than I had previously imposed upon myself, and while it is not as much fun as, say, drinking a 12-pack of beer while playing video games, it is producing a definite effect.

Now, at the core of all discipline lies pain. Discipline, it has been written, is the way civilized man maintains contact with that pain and keeps himself hard for life's challenges. Probe deeper, however, and you will find that beneath the pain is fear. When we pass the half-century mark, it is high time we also quit kidding ourselves about a great many things, foremost among them is that we have unlimited time to do all the things we were planning to do "someday." For as that catchy motorcycle ad once read:

MONDAY. TUESDAY. WEDNESDAY. THURSDAY. FRIDAY. SATURDAY. SUNDAY. THERE IS NO "SOMEDAY."

In order to make this more than a passing fad in my life, it was necessary for me to sit down and do some really painful, actually almost excruciating, self-analysis. You will note that all really deep looks within ourselves are painful, unsettling and sometimes deeply humiliating -- which is why, of course, most of us don't perform them, or at least don't do so very often, and also why most of us change very little over the courses of our adult lives unless acted upon by an outside force. We get along, as David Goggins said, on forty percent effort, and usually convince ourselves that the forty is really seventy, or eighty, or even one hundred percent. When I looked at myself objectively, I found it was necessary to begin the almost inconcievably intimidating and laborious process of rewiring my brain, my heart, my entire being, so as to operate differently. This was not to be a software update, but rather a hardware overhaul, and would take years to achieve the desired results. So I combed through all the profound thoughts I've had, epiphanies I've experienced, and inspirational words I have heard, and came up with some rules for living. And yes, I've done this before, and yes, I've done it in this very blog, and yes, I stand by what I said before, too, but that was, in essence, blue belt level thinking, and now we are at the brown belt level, or at least trying to attain same, and that means making changes when changes are necessary. So every day, I read these thoughts aloud, and really try to consider what they mean in the moment I'm living them, and how they can be applied:

* Anxiety is energy. It will only hurt you if you don't use it...but it will definitely hurt you if you don't use it.

* Jealousy is desire.It's a signpost that directs you to what you want. Now go get it.

* Success has a moral element. All real triumph is indivisible from some element of nobility. If there is no nobility there is no victory. You just got away with it, that's all.

* Resentment is a great teacher. Its lesson is either "man up and move on" or to identify the bully in your life in deal with him...even if the bully is you (especially if it's you).

* Average men get average results. The outcome is a reflection of the effort. If you put in the work, that will show; if you didn't, that will show, too.

* Whatever you are ain't good enough. You can always be better, and the moment you stop trying is the moment you start dying. It is said that perfect is the enemy of the good, but it is equally true that the fact perfection is unattainable is no reason not to look for it: the very act makes you better.

* Emotions are not problems to be solved. They are teachers to be respected. Learn from them. This is an especially difficult lesson for men.

* You can' get skinny by hating being fat. It's good to recognize a bad situation, but just being angry won't change a damned thing. Too many of us get stuck in anger and never move.

* You will never outperform your belief systems. If you think you're a loser, you are. If you think you're a winner, then you already know where the prize is, you just haven't collected it yet. This sounds like New Age rubbish but it is actually the mentality of ever winner who ever lived.

* You have a role in your own suffering. This moment is the end product of ten million decisions big and small you've made in your life. It's easy to blame God, school, your parents, your -ex, you junior high school bully or "society" for all your woes. And they may in fact be responsible. But they aren't entirely responsible. The common factor you have with every failure in your life is you. Take responsibility, look for the patterns, change your ways.

* The mountain is not your adversary. It lifts you up. It assists you into the sky. There are a lot of theories on the value of discipline, hard work and suffering, but they tend to ignore the fact that some suffering in life is only suffering if you regard it as such. I used to look at certain things in an adversarial way; now I try to see them as trying to ease my difficulties. The mountain wants you at its peak.

* The universe doesn't hear “please don't,” only what follows it. Replace “I want” with “I am,” and "I want" with "I will." You may not succeed but if you fail it won't be for lack of trying.

*Don't seek happiness in the same place you lost it. Vices are not painkillers. They are the producers of pain.

*You must sacrifice the worst of you to become the best you can be, and only you know to what degree you're in love with the worst of you. What is it you hate most about yourself as a human being? Now ask yourself truly: do you want to give it up? The answer will surprise you and probably upset you, but in the answer, hard as it may be, you find the starting point to becoming a better person.

* If you viewed yourself as kindly as you view those you love, you would love yourself, too. Like most people, I am my own cruelest critic. I negate my accomplishments. I devalue my abilities. I look at compliments with suspicion, or even worse, cynicism, and often attack my own motives even after carrying out good works. I do few or none of these things with the people closest to me in life -- but who is closer to me than myself?

I realize a lot of this sounds like fortune-cookie wisdom of the sort Mr. Miyagi might utter in one of the more inferior Karate Kid sequels, and there may be people who are insulted that I even try giving life lessons because who the hell am I? But it is working for me, demonstratably working, and I feel as if I'd be cheating my own growth somehow if I didn't at least try to share it, Daniel-san.