Trusting in God’s Strength with Katie Mason

​The first time I remember attending a Bible Study, I was in kindergarten. My mom and stepdad had gotten married, and they felt a tug on their hearts to go to church. It was the eighties and my parents attended a mid-size American Baptist church, so I was shuttled to a children’s classroom along with my siblings and a few other kids. 

There wasn’t a program or any devotion, it was slightly controlled chaos within a ten-by-twelve rectangle. Bible study must have been a hit with my parents because we kept going back. Not just on Wednesday evenings, but also on Sunday mornings and any other day that the doors of the church opened. It wasn’t a phase my family went through, it became our lifestyle. I continued to go to church, and attend deeper discussions in Sunday School and our house fell into the rhythm of mid-western church life. 

At home, life wasn’t nearly so ordered. Both my parents worked outside our home. Our parents were trying to blend their two prior families into one. The balance of working in careers they loved—while also raising four kids with four different personalities—meant frequent shifting from daycare to daycare. One of those daycares wasn’t a safe place for kids. There was a child predator amongst innocent sheep. His evil infected more than one kid, that eventually spread to me. 

My world went from blissful ignorance and child-like wonder to a place of darkness and knowledge too big to understand. Any belief I had in a God that was a protector, defender, or the lover of my soul whooshed out the window opened by abuse. 

But, I didn’t run away from the church. Instead, I doubled down on religious activity. I signed up for choir, led small groups, attended every Bible study offered, and made snacks for VBS. I was determined to do enough to erase the stain on my soul.

When I read parables like Matthew 25:14-30, I hustled to be the servant with the most gold. Knowing that if I could prove I was the best, I could be rewarded with a greater blessing. The biggest blessing to me, would be an assurance of protection from any future devastation. Matthew 25:14-15 says “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey” (NIV). 

Outwardly, I felt I was doing all the right things. But inside, I was still convinced I had to do more. There was a persistent voice in my head telling me I could earn more talents to use for God’s kingdom. It was like trying to win a game at the carnival. Each of my efforts to be the best ended in frustration because I was doing things in my own power. Instead of having the most talents, I realized that I always felt like the servant with the least talents. This led to a constant cloud of panic that I would never be enough, which then led to a depressive state because all my efforts were futile. I was just a servant sitting in a field. I was filled with fear that my master would come back and see how worthless I was. Christ’s benevolence, love, and grace seemed to be for everyone else and I was only as good as my next righteous act. I constantly felt I was living a life of duplicity. 

This mindset continued into the next phase of my life. I made it through college and into the early years of adulthood. My husband and I got married and then began to grow our family. We also began going from one community to another from one end to the other of the state of Indiana. We were like a bouncy ball in the hands of sugar-hyped children.  As a young mom with three kids, I got to a place where I was exhausted. Not just tired, but spiritually exhausted in a way a week of naps could never help me recover from. My soul was weary because I continued to live life out of my strength. I ran a race on my own two legs instead of being carried by my Savior. But how could I trust a God who I felt had never had my best interest at heart? 

Relief to this pain came when I attended a home Bible study with three other women who were a few years ahead of me in mothering life. They had been walking with the Lord for a while and I envied their peaceful presence. I had yet to learn how to have what they had. Peace can’t be manufactured by human effort. 

One day, the conversation got around to trusting God. I gave my usual platitudes and hoped the conversation would move to something less touchy-feely and more academic. But one of the women in the group saw past my facade and asked a series of questions that revealed the depth of how little I trusted God. That I had been living a life within my power. Even though I desperately wanted to be the servant who doubled the five talents, I represented the servant who ran in fear from their master and buried the talent I had been given. 

I knew about the Bible and had a strong moral compass. However, there were pieces missing from my faith puzzle. Instead of living from a place of gratitude and abundance,  I lived in fear that my disobedience in cultivating my talent was leading to my Master coming down on me full of wrath. The enemy had me in a prison of fear, isolation, and belief that I wasn’t good enough to do God’s work. That I had to keep trying even though I knew I would fail and it would all be for nothing. 

With my friend’s gentle probing and the Word of God offering truth to replace the lies I built my life on, I began to take out the weeds in the plot of land Jesus had entrusted me with. I began to sow the seeds of the fruit of the Spirit, growing the talents the Lord had given me. That’s the beautiful work of our Lord. He patiently waits for us to be ready to receive His truth. Jesus gives us talents in our lives. He doesn’t just give them to us and then expect us to figure out on our own how to make them grow. Instead, the Holy Spirit is sent to help us learn how to steward our gifts and talents well. 

My Father knows what happened to me as a child. He knew the work necessary for me to get to a place where I could finally lay that down at His feet and leave it there. Even as I was striving to be good enough for His favor and blessing, my Father had already enriched me with the Holy Spirit.

Nothing in our lives has ever been a surprise to God. What I learned from my friends through Bible study is that God can be trusted to develop our talents. He is faithful and true when the world is deceitful and rejects us. God can be trusted to give us direction. To empower us and to lead us because He alone knows us so intimately. We need to be in His Word and community with other believers so we can know more and more about Him. That is where we find truth and strength to endure what we carry or are walking through. God walks with us and delights in us.

Friend, won’t you join me in surrendering to the God who loves you so much? Surrender to the God who can be trusted to grant talents you can cultivate for His kingdom and who bore your pain and suffering on the cross so you can live a life of abundance and freedom. 

Katie Mason is a writer and speaker bringing the hope of Jesus to communities. She has worked with various sizes of groups of women for the last twenty years. Her focus is on helping others find who Christ is to them through intensive Bible study, mentoring and developing their gifting from Jesus.

Katie Mason is an author, speaker and disciple maker. She lives with her husband, Tom and their three kids in southern Indiana. You can find Katie enjoying good food, a great book, the company of friends and family, and helping others find freedom in Jesus Christ.

You can follow her journey at https://avoicetocallout.blogspot.com . Katie also gets online on Instagram @‌ktphotos21 and on her Facebook page Katie Mason.

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