Day’s Gone Astray

I hate days like this. Days when everything seems to go wrong. Nothing major. No one has died and you still have a house, but all the little things fall over like dominoes and you can’t stack them back up. You feel powerless and defeated. It’s irritating. Like a gnat at your ear. I just want to get things done, things to be accomplished, but I’m halted. Hands tied.

And it’s exhausting because you have these plans for things, not even grand plans, and yet the universe laughs in your face. I know I have a poor relationship with productivity but damn it, I just wanted something done! Anything of value!

Perhaps that’s the issue. Where I place my value. What counts as accomplishment. What counts as productive.

As a writer, I think this is even worse for me. I want to always be creating something. I need tangible evidence, through words on a page, that I haven’t wasted time. Hence I’m here, now. My novel isn’t working so I’ve found some refuge here. A place I can always crawl back to and share my feelings when nothing else is working.

Is this productive?

What’s unproductive is wallowing in the upset. Boo hoo my day didn’t go to plan. That’s unproductive. It won’t change the events of the day. It won’t bring back morning for me to start all over again. So the books I’m reading aren’t interesting me enough. So my novel ideas are still a bit unstructured and scary. So the internet isn’t working. So the customer service lady was rude to me. So it’s hot and I can’t get comfortable. So my brain is a bit scatty.

There are much worse things.

Tomorrow is a new day, and all that. I’ll try again. You’ll try again. And maybe the universe is done laughing.

Sincerely,

S. xx