Ask Twice
How many times does life need to be put into perspective before I see differently? Why does the lens shift only momentarily before I’m back to the same wonky view?
Because life is short. And we say this all the time but it never sticks for long enough. Why does it never stick? And life is so tough. Through all the beauty, there’s so much inevitable pain. We’re all going to hurt. We’re all going to fail, or watch someone in pain, or get sick, or watch someone get sick, or face death or watch someone die.
I’ve been confronted with mortality this year. Reality, vulnerability, the truth of fragility. People around me suffering; stories of illness and early deaths. People who shouldn’t have died when they did. People who were so strong and solid and now are weak and dependent. Life is cruel.
And fuck, why do we always say we’re fine when we’re not?
Why did we build a society where it’s not normal to say you’re having a shit time? Where people get uncomfortable because you said something painful and honest instead of another shallow joke. England lost the Euros. There’s another TikTok trend. That celebrity or this one got divorced again because they cheated.
It’s all just numbing. It’s hiding from the truth. It’s shallow connection breeding loneliness and isolation.
We’re all hurting but we’re too afraid to say so. And then the worst thing happens: we suffer alone. We keep in the shadows when light is so readily available. And we say, hey, you can tell me anything but how many of us truly open our arms to other people’s hurt? How many of us ask twice? How are you? How are you really?
I’m tired. No, it’s not the go to sleep early kind of tired but a soul-deep tired. A tiredness that comes when you felt disappointed in life. Disappointed that life hasn’t been kind in a while. And it’s not necessarily a lack of kindness towards me. The hurt and the suffering is adjacent to me but it’s in my eye line. It’s in my inner circle. And sometimes that’s worse, you know? I can face my own hurt. I’m good at speaking out. I’ve sadly become good at carrying disappointment. But when someone else is unfairly tortured, you feel powerless. You’re hurting for them and you feel powerless to change it.
There’s so much we can’t control in this world. So many cruel things that happen to good people. So many situations we get thrust into and don’t know how to navigate our way out. And it sucks. It fucking sucks.
Perhaps all we can do is ask twice. All we can do is actively try to shift our perspectives back to what counts. Not to be pulled into the drama. Not to be pulled into the things that don’t matter like a bad hair day or a blog post with no views. Not to be pulled into the lies we tell ourselves.
And yeah, England lost the Euros final and there’s another TikTok trend. There’s nothing wrong with indulging in that. But lift your head every once in a while, because there might be someone, or something, that needs your attention more.
Sincerely,
S. xx
