The Bradley Bridge Exchange
In the late ‘80s, the internet became mainstream. Why? Suddenly, people from all walks of life could connect, communicate, and share thoughts, services, and data. It was all digital, fast, and universal.
Besides email, the most powerful asset in this early digital age was Usenet. Think of it like a bulletin board where people could post messages and read those posts. Popular topics included Star Trek, programming, politics, religion, computers, games, and sports. The technology even spawned new terms: flaming, flame war, troll, cross-posting, sock puppet account, and Godwin’s law.
Because it was so popular, non-technical people began participating, which added to the diversity. Later, a graphical interface (web browser) was applied, which spawned sites that overtook the clunky text-based Usenet, causing it to fade into obscurity.
In the early ‘90s, I spent at least an hour per day reading Usenet posts. I learned a vast amount about computers, life, and electronics. But it was not all serious topics. One of my favorite groups was rec.humor.funny. The idea was that a person would send jokes to the moderator, who would post the best ones. It was quite prestigious to have one of your jokes selected, and I worked for hours to write them. I thought it would be interesting to examine the two of them.
The inspiration for my first joke came from a collector plate commercial. One of my roommates commented on how tacky the announcer sounded, and I parodied it with a new commercial that sold bridges instead of plates. He was rolling on the floor with laughter, and I was inspired to write a joke. Here is the original without edits:
The most respected name in bridge sale is about to present an offer that no self respecting bridge collector can ignore. The Bradley Bridge Exchange is proud to introduce the Commemorative Bridge Series. Even if you have never collected bridges before this unique investment opportunity should interest you.
The Bradley Bridge Exchange has been selling quality collectable bridges for fifty years. Now through this once in a lifetime Internet offer, you can purchase famous bridges.
Think about it, EVERYONE needs bridges: to go to work, walk across, jump from, get mugged under and to throw rocks from.
Not all bridges go up in value, the Bradley Bridge Exchange guarantees that your own personalized bridge will retain its minimum value for at least one full year.
The famous Golden Gate Bridge was originally offered through The Bradley Bridge Exchange for a mere 35 dollars. In the 57 times it has since been re-sold, its value has increased to an astounding 10 million dollars! No other LEGAL investment could give that kind of return so quickly.
Look at the fine craftsmanship of this early American George Washington Bridge: Note the detail in the rust, the unique “yO maMa” mural which captures the American dream and the fine cracked metal work in these steel supports. You will not find any composites or reinforced concrete here.
1) Bridges are not owned by the city, state or country. Bridges are owned by the contractors that build them. They are then purchased by the Bradley Bridge Exchange.
2) Top investors say that bridges are a solid investment with underlying liquid assets.
3) In addition to the potential of increasing of the physical value, bridges can actually generate INCOME through the use of tolls.
4) Not only am I an owner of a bridge I am also a user!
5) Insurance is un-necessary. There has never been a theft of a major bridge in the history of The Bradley Bridge Exchange.
6) Bridges also make useful homes for transients which will make you appear in good standing in your community.
Act now while prices remain low. The Bradley Bridge Exchange WILL destroy all bridge molds for the above mentioned Washington Bridge with in a period of 30 Days. The first 100 bridges sold will receive 25 toll free suicide hot line signs at no additional cost. All mailers will receive The Bradley Bridge Exchange’s guide to purchasing tunnels and national parks at no additional cost.
Please E-Mail us directly at BBE@cash.be.ours with your credit card number. System operators are standing by.
Looking back on my creation, it still has a certain charm. I am proud of my early creation. Yet… There is massive room for grammatical and content improvements. “Underlying liquid assets” Still cracks me up.
This is another joke I posted:
Top Ten Rejected X Files Scripts
1) Title: “C. Brown”
Summery: Fox and Dana stake out a pumpkin patch waiting for a reported floating orange figure which only appears in the presence of a certain bald headed child.
2) Title: “Just a movie?”
Summery: Fox uncovers the secret alien past of the “Stargate Ancient Egyptian Remote Planet Tours and Themepark” through the cryptic hieroglyphics found on ancient bathroom walls.
3) Title: “Trouble in isle 10”
Summery: Aliens make large public landing in the ‘Target’ department store parking with the intention of shopping early before the Christmas rush. Guest star: Rossane Arnold.
4) Title: “Bay view” (Part 1/2)
Summery: Fox and Dana are called to investigate a California beach where everything is clearly not natural. This is a two part episode which cliffhangs with Dana barley escaping the charm of the head lifeguard.
5) Title: “Time 9:02.10” (Part 2/2)
Summery: This is the second part of a two part episode. Fox and Dana find the source of the unnatural events which are emanating from a high school that only produces picture perfect students.
6) Title: “Vipers in the sky”
Summery: Fox plays an April fools joke on Dana by trying to convince her that his not-so-super secret FBI person ‘leaked’ information about the television program Battle Star Galactia and its
factual past.
7) Title: “Area 51”
Summery: A top secret military base once thought to contain captured alien spacecraft and experimental planes to actually be a place for ‘Northwest’ pilots to discretely land and get plastered.
8) Title: “The X files Christmas special”
Summery: Fox and Dana witness a graphic “tail hook” type Christmas party where all traces of are which are covered-up in military fashon.
9) Title: “Psychic friends”
Summery: Certain 900 numbers which had been previously classified for entertainment purposes only are actually the real thing.
10) Title: “X Windows”
Summery: A node (borge.big.cube.mil) [on the now Politically Correct Internet] is uncovered by Fox to actually be run by aliens spying on our every move.
“The source (code) is out there...”
“Summery” “military fashon” Yeah… Some big issues. And yet, over a million people read my joke—such simple times.
It is fun to look at our past work. It proves that we used to have great talent and are now even better. Yet, I no longer spend time writing jokes because I have moved on to different challenges. I miss that activity and will try to write down a joke or two. Stay tuned.
You’re the best -Bill
June 26, 2024
Besides email, the most powerful asset in this early digital age was Usenet. Think of it like a bulletin board where people could post messages and read those posts. Popular topics included Star Trek, programming, politics, religion, computers, games, and sports. The technology even spawned new terms: flaming, flame war, troll, cross-posting, sock puppet account, and Godwin’s law.
Because it was so popular, non-technical people began participating, which added to the diversity. Later, a graphical interface (web browser) was applied, which spawned sites that overtook the clunky text-based Usenet, causing it to fade into obscurity.
In the early ‘90s, I spent at least an hour per day reading Usenet posts. I learned a vast amount about computers, life, and electronics. But it was not all serious topics. One of my favorite groups was rec.humor.funny. The idea was that a person would send jokes to the moderator, who would post the best ones. It was quite prestigious to have one of your jokes selected, and I worked for hours to write them. I thought it would be interesting to examine the two of them.
The inspiration for my first joke came from a collector plate commercial. One of my roommates commented on how tacky the announcer sounded, and I parodied it with a new commercial that sold bridges instead of plates. He was rolling on the floor with laughter, and I was inspired to write a joke. Here is the original without edits:
The most respected name in bridge sale is about to present an offer that no self respecting bridge collector can ignore. The Bradley Bridge Exchange is proud to introduce the Commemorative Bridge Series. Even if you have never collected bridges before this unique investment opportunity should interest you.
The Bradley Bridge Exchange has been selling quality collectable bridges for fifty years. Now through this once in a lifetime Internet offer, you can purchase famous bridges.
Think about it, EVERYONE needs bridges: to go to work, walk across, jump from, get mugged under and to throw rocks from.
Not all bridges go up in value, the Bradley Bridge Exchange guarantees that your own personalized bridge will retain its minimum value for at least one full year.
The famous Golden Gate Bridge was originally offered through The Bradley Bridge Exchange for a mere 35 dollars. In the 57 times it has since been re-sold, its value has increased to an astounding 10 million dollars! No other LEGAL investment could give that kind of return so quickly.
Look at the fine craftsmanship of this early American George Washington Bridge: Note the detail in the rust, the unique “yO maMa” mural which captures the American dream and the fine cracked metal work in these steel supports. You will not find any composites or reinforced concrete here.
1) Bridges are not owned by the city, state or country. Bridges are owned by the contractors that build them. They are then purchased by the Bradley Bridge Exchange.
2) Top investors say that bridges are a solid investment with underlying liquid assets.
3) In addition to the potential of increasing of the physical value, bridges can actually generate INCOME through the use of tolls.
4) Not only am I an owner of a bridge I am also a user!
5) Insurance is un-necessary. There has never been a theft of a major bridge in the history of The Bradley Bridge Exchange.
6) Bridges also make useful homes for transients which will make you appear in good standing in your community.
Act now while prices remain low. The Bradley Bridge Exchange WILL destroy all bridge molds for the above mentioned Washington Bridge with in a period of 30 Days. The first 100 bridges sold will receive 25 toll free suicide hot line signs at no additional cost. All mailers will receive The Bradley Bridge Exchange’s guide to purchasing tunnels and national parks at no additional cost.
Please E-Mail us directly at BBE@cash.be.ours with your credit card number. System operators are standing by.
Looking back on my creation, it still has a certain charm. I am proud of my early creation. Yet… There is massive room for grammatical and content improvements. “Underlying liquid assets” Still cracks me up.
This is another joke I posted:
Top Ten Rejected X Files Scripts
1) Title: “C. Brown”
Summery: Fox and Dana stake out a pumpkin patch waiting for a reported floating orange figure which only appears in the presence of a certain bald headed child.
2) Title: “Just a movie?”
Summery: Fox uncovers the secret alien past of the “Stargate Ancient Egyptian Remote Planet Tours and Themepark” through the cryptic hieroglyphics found on ancient bathroom walls.
3) Title: “Trouble in isle 10”
Summery: Aliens make large public landing in the ‘Target’ department store parking with the intention of shopping early before the Christmas rush. Guest star: Rossane Arnold.
4) Title: “Bay view” (Part 1/2)
Summery: Fox and Dana are called to investigate a California beach where everything is clearly not natural. This is a two part episode which cliffhangs with Dana barley escaping the charm of the head lifeguard.
5) Title: “Time 9:02.10” (Part 2/2)
Summery: This is the second part of a two part episode. Fox and Dana find the source of the unnatural events which are emanating from a high school that only produces picture perfect students.
6) Title: “Vipers in the sky”
Summery: Fox plays an April fools joke on Dana by trying to convince her that his not-so-super secret FBI person ‘leaked’ information about the television program Battle Star Galactia and its
factual past.
7) Title: “Area 51”
Summery: A top secret military base once thought to contain captured alien spacecraft and experimental planes to actually be a place for ‘Northwest’ pilots to discretely land and get plastered.
8) Title: “The X files Christmas special”
Summery: Fox and Dana witness a graphic “tail hook” type Christmas party where all traces of are which are covered-up in military fashon.
9) Title: “Psychic friends”
Summery: Certain 900 numbers which had been previously classified for entertainment purposes only are actually the real thing.
10) Title: “X Windows”
Summery: A node (borge.big.cube.mil) [on the now Politically Correct Internet] is uncovered by Fox to actually be run by aliens spying on our every move.
“The source (code) is out there...”
“Summery” “military fashon” Yeah… Some big issues. And yet, over a million people read my joke—such simple times.
It is fun to look at our past work. It proves that we used to have great talent and are now even better. Yet, I no longer spend time writing jokes because I have moved on to different challenges. I miss that activity and will try to write down a joke or two. Stay tuned.
You’re the best -Bill
June 26, 2024
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