How to Strengthen Connection in Your Virtual Team

A social media post by Adam Grant about the value of “pebbling” got me thinking about how to open and strengthen virtual team connection.

The term “pebbling” derives from the behavior of Gentoo penguins, who gift one another with pebbles to help furnish their nests. The term has now been co-opted into human dating parlance to refer to sending memes or gifs as bids for connection.

Although I didn’t know the term, I’ve been a proponent (and an appreciator) of pebbling for ages. I frequently send videos or gifs that I think will bring a smile to a colleague or client. The value is less about the video and more about the signal that I’m thinking of the person. Attention is the currency of our time, after all.

That got me thinking: What are some other ways you can establish, strengthen, or reopen a communication channel with a teammate you don’t get to see in person? Here are a few. I’d love to crowdsource a few, too. Add your ideas to the comments, and I’ll insert them into the post.

What to Send to a Teammate

If we stick with the pebbling idea for a moment, a few things might be more valuable to your colleague than dropping pebbles on their desk.

Send Something Interesting

As you’re cruising around the interwebs, what are you finding that might help your teammates do their work more effectively? This morning, one of my clients sent me a Mastodon thread about using LLM (large language models) to bolster human learning. Cool!

Alternatively, it might be less work-related and more geared toward their interests. My brilliant friend Mitch Joel and two of his friends started picking one link each week to send to each other and have kept it up for 729 weeks! The nice part is they share those six links with anyone who subscribes. That weekly digest is an excellent source of pebbles you can forward to others.

Or show your teammate you’re paying attention by sending a YouTube video about their upcoming vacation destination, an event notice for a band they love, or a Pinterest post with a cool crochet pattern. This will reinforce that you’re interested in your coworker as a person, not just for what they can do for you with Excel pivot tables.

Sign on the bathroom wall at a workshare office in London

Snap Pictures in the Wild

Another fun way to show someone you’re thinking of them is to take pictures of things you encounter on your travels. (I don’t mean sending your colleagues envy-inducing pics of you on the beach in Bora Bora while they’re sweating it out in the office.) I mean things like this shot I captured in a public washroom. I had a friend who I felt was taking on too much. This shot provided the “sign from the universe” that even the bathroom mirror was trying to convince him to turn off the taps!

I’m sure you have dozens of other ideas for a simple, easy thing to send to demonstrate to a colleague that you’re thinking of them.

What to Say to a Teammate

You don’t need to have something to send your colleague; you can also create a connection with what you say to them.

Pass on Praise

There are few nicer forms of outreach than when someone lets you know they heard something flattering about you or your work. What positive messages have you heard about your teammates that you could pass along? A quick email that says, “Were your ears burning? We were just talking about how your revamp of the monthly report template is SO much better!!”

And if you want to do the adventure club version, don’t email—phone! “Wait, what?!? PHONE! Did she say phone? Nobody phones anymore.” Yeah, I hear you, but that’s why it’s fantastic. Recently, I watched a talk by my friend Michael Bungay Stanier. It was amazing. Amazing enough that it moved me to phone him to share what I got from it. Guess what? He answered the call, and we had a few minutes of genuine human connection.

But if it had gone to voice mail, that would have been great too because I could have left a rambling message about how fantastic he was… who wouldn’t want to have a voicemail about how awesome they are?

Whose praises could you sing today?

Request Help

One of the most effective ways to open a line of communication with a remote colleague is to ask for help. Requests for help set off a cascade of positive effects, starting with you signaling that you value the other person’s perspective, accelerating with your demonstration that you trust them enough to be vulnerable, and ending with some helpful cognitive dissonance that when they help you, they end up liking you more.

However, if you’re trying to bolster connections, these requests for help shouldn’t be urgent. Instead, you’re looking for something like, “I’ve just taken over the Acme account, and I know you have so much insight there. When you have a chance, could we hop on a call, and you share your thoughts about who the best champion is inside their company?”

What to Show to a Teammate

And if you’re not the direct type, you don’t have to communicate directly with your coworker; you can use social channels, Slack, or Teams to make the connection.

Post or Comment on LinkedIn

Another valuable connection point is mentioning a colleague in a LinkedIn post or comment. A post might include a description of something your team has accomplished with tags acknowledging the specific contributions of your teammates. You can also scroll through their LinkedIn feed and add reactions or comments showing interest in their perspectives.

If you want a slightly less direct approach, you won’t have difficulty finding people on social media trying to drive up their views by asking you to tag someone who has done something extraordinary for you. Just hop on one of those bandwagons as a spot to give some public recognition to a far-away colleague.

In Conclusion

Improving communication is more than just sending clear messages and listening better; it’s also about having an open channel when needed. Small bids for connection can help you establish and maintain a line even with teammates you never see in person.

Okay, over to you. This is a wholly incomplete list; let me know in the comments what you would add (and feel free to mention a colleague who does this well!)

Additional Resources

How to Strengthen Connection on Remote and Hybrid Teams

An Easier Way to Ask for Help at Work

Communication Challenges on Hybrid Teams

 

 

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