Chained Soul – Part Twenty-Eight

Welcome back to Chained Soul, my new serialised novel that I’m releasing right here on my blog, as well as on Tapas and Wattpad. Quick warning: this series does contain strong language, so if that’s not your thing, you’re free to skip this one!

Check out Part One, including a synopsis for the whole series, here!

If you missed Part Twenty-Seven, you can read that here!

Day Twenty-Eight

It’s happening. I know I’m going to be all over the place writing this, especially after whatever the fuck went on yesterday, but I have to get it down before – well, before I can’t, I guess.

I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if I’ll be coming back here. I’ve got this image in my head of being given a suitcase to pack everything into. I don’t know why. I don’t even know if I own a suitcase.

I probably don’t.

But she came in today, looking all nervous and fidgeting and all that, and she spent a few minutes just pacing around and looking everywhere before she said anything. I’ll get it down like I usually do, even though I feel like everything is going to very quickly become not like it usually is.

Conversation With Kathy

-as I’ve said, she’s been pacing around for a good few minutes by this point, and now she finally sits on the bed and composes herself a bit-

Her: It’s today.

Me: The assessment? We’re going now?

Her: Yes, but not yet. I can’t come with you.

Me: What do you mean? I thought you were my nominated shrink-whatsit-thing?

Her: That doesn’t mean I come to the assessment with you. You’ll be escorted there by two members of the security team, and then the assessment hub has its own staff.

Me: Am I going to get locked in another room and go through this whole thing again?

Her: No, no. It should only last a few hours. The assessment itself is about an hour, depending on how you do. There’ll be some bureaucracy once you get there – signing you in, double-checking everything – and then a bit of a wait depending on if there’s any free rooms or not. But once you’ve got through it – if you get through it – then everything should be pretty quick. They’ll want you out as soon as possible.

Me: And I suppose you’re still not telling me anything about what the assessment’s like?

Her: I wish I could.

Me: And I guess I won’t see you again afterwards?

Her: In all likelihood, no. I specifically work within this section of the facility, so I’ll be assigned to another case within here.

Me: Well, thanks, I guess.

Her: Just see if you get through the assessment first. Give it your best shot – whatever you think they want, do that, not what you actually want. It’ll… it’ll all make sense, once you get in there.

There wasn’t much more after that. She left. I didn’t even think to ask her about Helen – I don’t want her thinking I’m crazy and turning against me. I’m almost certain Helen was real, but if it turns out she wasn’t then I can’t have it fuck up my only chance to get out of here. I need to get out. I can’t stay here. I can’t deal with the pills and the slop and the monotony and confusion and just the horribleness of it all.

I know it could be worse. I could be being tortured or all sorts of other nasty shit. But this isn’t right either, especially when I can’t even fucking remember what I did to get in here, if I did anything at all. That’d be fucked – if I remembered everything and I was innocent, framed for something or some shit like that. I’d fucking hate that. I mean, I hate being in here anyway, but that would be so much worse.

Kathy said it’d be today, though, so now I’m just sat on the edge of the bed, trying to get this down quick enough that I’m not writing when they come to get me. I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m in for with this assessment thing, but fuck it! It’s time now, and I’ve just gotta bullshit my way through it.

I’m hoping it’s something really tame and boring like a multiple choice quiz with questions like ‘do you want to go on a mass killing spree or have a nice picnic with your family?’, shit like that. I know it won’t be. Not from how Helen and Kathy have been talking about it. It’s got to be something awful.

But it’ll get me out. That’s the only thing I need to focus on. Getting out of here and finally being free again, maybe getting some memories back inside this skull of mine so that I can figure out what happened and move on with my life. Do some actual healing, not whatever the fuck they think they’re doing here.

It’s happening. It’s happening. I know it is. There’s footsteps and voices outside. There’s always footsteps and voices outside, but this time they’re concentrated around the door. It has to be. If this is just the slop being delivered then I’ll… I don’t know what I’ll fucking do. Probably just sit here and be disappointed.

Yes! Yes! They’re knocking.

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