Regarding Jonah and the Whale

The story of the stubborn man who became fish food has captured the imaginations of many. Rumor has it that this Biblical Classic even inspired Pinocchio, but the story of Jonah and the Whale has a little-known side, and it's important for our modern times: WHY Jonah got eaten in the first place.

The Sunday School version is that Jonah got eaten because he ran away from God. But more specifically, Jonah ran away from the task God assigned him. You see, Jonah was supposed to deliver a message to Ninevah, the ancient capital of Assyria, and no one in the ancient world liked the Assyrians, Jonah included. They were the bullies of the ancient world-brutal warriors who laid waste to civilizations left and right. None of their neighbors went unscathed by their sword, and even if Jonah had no personal run ins with them, it's safe to assume he knew someone who did.


God's ask of Jonah can be best compared to asking a countryfied Bible thumping Texan to go into the thick of San Francisco, California and tell them to change their ways. Any true Texan would at least some hesitation, and a good amount of nausea, at the prospect.

This is because-and I'm sorry for any Californians who may be reading this- as a general rule, none of the other states like California. When Californians flee their state, they drive up the cost of living for the native born, change the culture until natives no longer recognize their home, and then have the gall to vote for the very garbage they fled. Though not with direct violence, Californians lay waste to their neighbors in more subversive but equally effective ways

The same can be said of New Yorkers and other "leftugees" who have not learned their lesson.


I am God's servant, and He my Master, but I would cry if He asked me to go to #RETCHING NOISES# California, which is why I'm lucky I haven't gotten eaten by a fish yet.


This is because, despite most of the country's visceral reaction to #NAUSEA/DRYHEAVES# California, God loves them, just like God loved Assyria and Assyrians. God wanted the Assyrians to have a final chance at repentance, at being better and doing better, and so he sent Jonah. He changed Assyria once, and yes, He even can change (CRINGEWORTHY) California before the San Andreas fault eats them all....IF He so chooses.

I don't know who He's sending to California, I just hope he or she gets there in a hurry.... before California lays waste to us all.