The Avengers – a movie review by Leia Shaw

I’ve never done a movie review before but I couldn’t think of another topic for a post today. I just saw this movie over the weekend and it’s fresh in my mind. So, all my lovely readers, you get a somewhat rambly, completely non-informational, but funny, movie review.

 

I don’t read Marvel comics. I’ve never picked up a comic book in my life. Now that you know I have absolutely no qualifications to do this review, we can get started.

Plot: Evil alien god-ish guy Loki has it out for the world because, like most super villains, he’s hungry for power with a bit of vengeance on the side. And, of course, daddy issues. Cry me a river, right? Anyway, he’s tripping on this glowly blue stuff that makes him all “I have cosmic power so suck it humans and bow to me!”

Eye patch guy wants to save the world – or maybe just his stash of weapons – so he gathers a team of super heroes. Iron Man, Hulk, Captain America, Black Widow, and Hawk. Thor swoops in all full of godliness and says “that’s my brother and I love him even though he tried to kill me and do other bad stuff in the last movie we were in.” So he joins the team too.

Oh, but before Hawk is a good guy, Loki hypnotizes him with his Spear of Power to do his bidding. Later Black Widow is all “I have googly eyes for you but all I want to do is repay my debt. No really, I do.” Through the amazing technique of whacking him in the head really hard, he goes back to normal.

So Loki opens this portal to who the hell knows where and weird alien creatures fly out to wreak havoc on NYC. Does anyone know why it’s always NYC? Who in their right mind would live there? When natural disaster strikes, NYC is the first to go. When aliens come to control our minds and harvest our bodies, NYC gets the first blast. There isn’t even a good exit system. You live in Manhattan, you’re just asking to die.

Anyway, so the aliens include these giant monsters I can only describe as a flying slug-turtle hybrid. So Iron Man is, like, the only one taking down the slurtles, cause he can fly and all. Black Widow and Hawk are doing their assassin thing. Captain America is being all super hero-y and saving civilians. Thor is trying to hammer his brother. Then Hulk comes in and is all like “Smash!” Lots of action, lots of explosions, lots of fighting done by stunt doubles. It’s all very exciting.

Anyway, I won’t tell you the end except to say the good guys lose, NYC is overrun by armored aliens, and the whole world goes down the crapper.

Just kidding

Acting: Who loves Robert Downey Jr? Me! In my mind, he was the star of this movie. Playing the cocky but funny Iron Man, he had all the great one-liners. Not to mention the best love sub-plot with Gwenyth Paltrow. I don’t know who plays Thor but whoever he is has the best biceps in the world. That’s all I have to say about that. Mark Ruffalo was an awesome Hulk. Well, the human version anyway. The Hulk version is lots of CGI and grunting and smashing. Hawk was just a guy shooting arrows – not sure what his deal was. But I think archers are sexy so he was alright in my mind. Captain America was a stiff, old-fashioned goody-goody. So not my thing. And I think the costume is dumb. But the actor played him well so bravo. Normally I can’t stand Scarlet Johansen but she was actually rockin’ in this movie as the Russian assassin Black Widow. And she’s never looked better with short strawberry hair and a black leotard. The guy who played Loki has the best creepy grin in the world. So that’s my professional analysis of the acting.

Directing: I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to say something highly educational and critical here. But I’m not highly educated or critical so I’m just going to leave it at this. Um. It was directed. By a person. They did some cool directing. And it was good. Um. Smash!

Sum up: This had the perfect blend of humor, sentiment, and “whoa, that’s so freakin’ cool” moments. I highly recommend it.

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Gratuitous picture of Thor’s biceps

Filed under: romance