AITA? Being a Constructive Member of a Writer’s Group
A ritual I’ve adopted since reigniting my writing journey is attending a monthly peer critique workshop for writers to give and receive feedback on each other’s work. Roughly two weeks before our meeting interested participants are encouraged to send in a piece of work for everyone else’s review and when we show up we share our thoughts. That last part, however, is always preceded by a reading of the group guidelines for how to give (and receive!) feedback.
Who needs to have the feedback process explained to them? It’s not that hard to simply avoid being an asshole, right? There’s actually more to it than that. Included here are the guidelines our group tries to follow (we’re not perfect) as well as a few of my own opinions on how to run and participate in a writer’s group that runs like a well-oiled machine.
On Giving Feedback
Adopt a Reader’s POV: I’m reading this person’s work, how could I not be adopting a reader’s POV? I hear you, but what I mean is that when you share your feedback it should sound like it’s coming from a reader, not a fellow writer. For example, instead of saying, “You should have Mr. Green find the candlestick in the ballroom as a prelude to the rising action,” you could say, “I found Mr. Green’s lack of clues frustrating as I was trying to solve the mystery for myself.” See how one of those sounds like a suggestion and the other is just a reaction?
Let me also provide the caveat that this will not work for every style of writer’s group. Some groups are created specifically for writers seeking writerly advice and that’s okay. I find it helpful, however, to hear a reader’s perspective without another writer’s baggage included. What it tells me is that something I wrote or the way I wrote it isn’t working and then I get to be the one who decides if and how I address that. Sometimes hearing another writer’s suggestion stops you from pursuing what could have been your more unique solution.
Nitpicking is No Fun: Here’s a little story about a silly college student who decided to shop online in class while her playwriting professor was hosting a feedback group. She was called out (rightly so) by another student for not paying attention and returned to her dorm red-faced. (It’s me, I’m the asshole.) But why, you ask, were you so easily distracted during a session of something you had great passion for? Instead of discussing big picture items like plot, story arc, protagonist traits, etc., we were dissecting each other’s grammar line by line. This is not a helpful exercise (sorry, professor!) and can have the effect of boring your group to tears.
Unless the grammar in a piece makes it unintelligible this isn’t typically a helpful place to focus all of your feedback. Noticing a glaring error in the title is not a big deal, but comma-policing an entire chapter of a book is fun for no one. There are plenty of apps and AI-centered programs ready to red-pen the crap out of your manuscript. So instead of picking nits simply say, “You may want to take a look at some of the grammar,” and just move on.
Editing Another’s Work: Just. Don’t. Be. That. Guy. Seriously. This one is a particular pet peeve of mine, but I recognize that those just starting with their group experiences may not be aware of the etiquette around these subjects. It’s never okay to edit someone’s work without an agreement with that person. Ever. Even if you’re like the last asshole (me) and your focus is just grammar, not story it is still not okay. You don’t know what the writer’s intentions were and therefore even if you think you’re being helpful please avoid this at all costs. It will undoubtedly annoy the other members of your group.
Just Shoot for 1/1: One of the more difficult things about providing feedback is coming up with something to say that you feel might be useful to the writer. This can be especially daunting if you’re new to a group. You may feel intimidated by other members’ great suggestions or feel that you aren’t well-versed enough to make any. I recommend shooting for one thing you enjoyed and one thing you found difficult/confusing. As I read the work of my peers I tend to take notes and I like to simply bullet items like “loved X,” and “didn’t understand Y.” If you can come up with more than that, do! It’s always helpful to have more than one possible piece of feedback written down in case someone else shares yours, but letting a writer know one thing they’re doing well and one thing they could work on is always a great start.
On Receiving Feedback
Just Say Thank You: This is a biggie because we writer-folk are a sensitive bunch. And why shouldn’t we be? These are our babies, our little darlings that we’ve poured so much effort, love, and care into. So it’s easy to understand why we get defensive when someone misunderstands, or worse, DISLIKES our work.
Let me paint you a picture: You’ve written a brilliant piece about an incredibly out-of-touch person as they walk through life. They keep falling into worse and worse situations because of the attitudes they hold about groups of people. The theme, the essence of your masterpiece is all about how when we judge others we are only hurting ourselves. Brilliant! (I’d read it.) But someone in your workshop just does not get it. They tell you they found your protagonist unlikeable and hated that he was just allowed to say whatever he wanted. What’s the point of creating such a nasty, hateful character they ask?
This is the pivotal moment. This is when you bite your tongue. Instead of explaining, “Oh – no, no, no! See, he’s a jerk on purpose! The underlying message is-,” No! Every time you think of doing this imagine me bapping you on the head like a cat. Defending (and even explaining) your work benefits no one. It’s a detriment to both you and the person providing feedback. Next time the reader will be reticent to provide you with feedback because they don’t feel like they’re being taken seriously. But perhaps even more importantly you will not understand the confusion and potential problems with your story by jumping to its defense. Sit with the feedback, and roll it around in your mind, could you have done a better job of making your theme clearer? Only you know the answer to that. The great thing is if you decide the other person is full of shit you can toss that feedback right into the mental trashcan and not use any of it.
Limit Info Given: This one is mostly a personal preference and there’s nothing wrong with feeling differently, but I find it most helpful to keep the information that I provide to the reader as minimal as possible. I recently heard someone say, “I need to know what genre a piece is meant to fit into so I know how to provide feedback.” I don’t think this is true. This could be helpful if you’re participating specifically in a writer’s group where the goal is “writerly feedback.”
However, I learned early on during my attendance in my group that it didn’t benefit me to over-explain any part of my work. I want to see if it stands on its own. One of the first works I submitted was a chapter of my horror novel, Fat Phobia. I’d seen another horror offer writer, “A Horror Novel,” under the title on their manuscript and thought, yeah, I’ll do that! What happened? It completely prepared everyone for what they were about to read. They were prepped to read a spooky story and therefore went into it with certain expectations. I wanted to know if they were spooked by my novel without expecting it to be spooky. So when possible I now stick to my name, my title, and relevant contact info. That’s pretty much it.
Writers groups can be a real benefit whether you’re just starting out or are a seasoned author. It never hurts to get a fresh perspective and it shouldn’t! We always need to keep in mind that the goal is to keep people writing and that means creating safe spaces for writers to be vulnerable, share uncomfortable work, and receive compassionate, helpful feedback. What other tips would you recommend?
