If hope is a taste, what is yours?

There’s been a lot going on. I won’t lie, I’m exhausted – but I’m also happy with how the past few weeks have been going. I’ve already talked a bit about Balticon and I just got finished with the Nebula Conference – I took part in panels at both events but as always there’s so many other fantastic discussions that happen at them and it’s a privilege to get to be in the same room, whether in person or virtually.

One thing I deeply enjoy at the Nebulas is the virtual breakout rooms they offer for online participants. I’ve had fantastic conversations there every year that I’ve attended [since 2021!] and I’ve connected with delightful folks. I think that I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: attending the Nebula Conference as a new writer was one of the best decisions I could have made, and I get more from that event, career-wise, than I do any other. It’s an excellent place to build a network and to learn from others who are in every stage of their writing career. You rub shoulders indiscriminately with writers on all levels, and the atmosphere is one of mutual support and sharing.

I firmly believe that I wouldn’t have achieved the level of Associate SFWA member this soon without the things that I learned and the connections I made at the Nebula Conferences I attended.

The only drawback from attending events…

The exhaustion is real, y’all.

Sometimes I can almost forget that I’ve got Crohn’s. Yes, I spend an unreasonable amount of time in bathrooms or thinking about where bathrooms are in case I need to be in one – but it’s been less of a burden lately, thanks to good planning. The brain fog, though. And the exhaustion. And weakness.

I hate all of those things so, so much. They’re the reminders that never actually let me forget about my IBD. I’ve learned to manage them well or at least work around them when I attend events, but the cost is my brain and body power for a while after the event is over.

I’m writing this blog post in pieces, using up my concentration then letting it slowly recharge until I’m capable of coherent thought again, in a carefully controlled cycle. If I wasn’t so tired, I would be unstoppable; my head is full of new ideas and concepts I want to explore and share, especially after interacting with other creative folk.

But my illness won’t let me. Not yet.
That’s the tradeoff. I can go to these events and be social and learn things and speak on panels about things I already know – or I can stay away and spill my thoughts on a page or screen. Like anything, it takes a careful balance.

And of course, the world is currently in turmoil and there’s rising fascism and ongoing genocide and people’s rights being taken away indiscriminately and that all tears at me, small and useless-feeling in the face of all that evil.

Right now I’m dying to share deeper thoughts, but I’ve got blog post concentration levels only. What can you do?
Well, in my case I will continue to slowly work at putting my words together, here and other places. I’ll scrape up the small amount of money that I have to contribute to mutual aid and organizations that have been proven to take action and assist the people who need it more. I’ll keep pestering my congresspeople, reps, and local politicians to enact change and stand against those who want to take away the rights of the less privileged and powerful.

I can only work in small increments. But I still can be useful. I still can flex the tiny power that I have for good.

Oh, tell me that dark could never win the light
Oh, tell me that wrong could never win the right
Baby, tell me that we gon’ some day stop the fight
And tell me that every, everything gon’ be alright

RM & Wale, Change

Title and quote from RM & Wale’s Change, a thoughtful and politically-minded song that came out in 2017 and is still relevant now.