Grief: A Personal and Pluralistic Process

Ani de la Prida, Association for Person-Centred Creative Arts

Grief

Bereavement and loss are an integral part of life. There are common, universal aspects of the grieving process such as sadness, depression, and cognitive disorganisation. But the grieving process itself is individual, it can be different with each person, and it can be different with each loss. Grief is a holistic experience, it involves body, mind, and spirit. Emotional distress is often accompanied by physical symptoms such as such pain, fatigue, headaches, and even illness. Grief is a natural response, and it isn’t something we can avoid.

Some clients come to therapy after a bereavement with the idea that grief is something to work through and get over, so they can return to ‘normal’. The experience of grief can be complex. Although it can become persistent and debilitating, for example unresolved arguments, or a sudden unexpected death can be traumatic and give rise to a more complex experience of grief. Experiencing grief doesn’t mean that something is wrong, and generally its associated symptoms are a natural and unescapable part of life.

Over the years I have learned that grief isn’t necessarily a linear journey, it can come and go, often in a cyclical pattern. Emotional distress, and even physical symptoms, can reoccur at significant times of the year such as a birthday, or when triggered by a seemingly insignificant event, for example smelling a particular perfume. For me, every spring the sight and scent of lilac trees in bloom, my mother’s favourite flower, triggers memories of her death and another cycle of grief.

Art

Throughout recorded history, people have used art, stories, song, and dance as healing rituals. A pluralistic perspective recognises the value of personal and cultural resources such as art which ‘may function as a means of incorporating spaces into the everyday life of the person that operate as touchstones or reminders of transcendent and aesthetic aspects of being human’

Whilst simply engaging in art can be therapeutic in itself, using creative arts methods in therapy can be a useful way to work with the grieving process. Art can help to express and process experiences and emotions at conscious and unconscious levels, particularly those that are stored non-verbally and may be difficult to put into words.

The creative arts can also touch our psyche in deeply personal, meaningful, and unexpected ways. According to Natalie Rogers the expressive arts process can expand our awareness and ‘deepen our experience…our connection…to our inner source…the world and the universe’.  

My mother died in November 2009, and each year I have unexplained aches and pains, feel very tired, and find myself in tears over small things in the weeks leading up to the anniversary date. My body remembers and expresses the distress I experienced in the weeks leading up to her death, long before I make a conscious connection.

Last autumn I had an unexpected and meaningful experience with art in my own grieving process. I’d had an intense headache for days, which I thought was due to eye strain, so I decided to take a break and go for a walk. It was a beautiful autumnal blue-sky day. I absorbed the vibrant reds and browns of the leaves, watching the colourful seasonal cycle of death as they fell to the ground, the trees seeming to sigh as they let go.

When I got home, I became fascinated with the leaves in my garden. I was doing a 21-day red dot art challenge with a group of students where each day you draw red dots on paper, one dot on day one, two on day two, and so forth. Then each day you use the dots to create a picture. It’s a simple exercise designed to engage the imagination and creative process with no particular therapeutic intention. I was on Day 14 and thought it would be fun to create an autumnal leaf as part of the challenge.

I imported a photo, and using my iPad digitally painted 14 red autumnal dots onto a green  leaf (see blog image). I became immersed and lost track of time as I painted in an experience of flow, a state of intense focus where the conscious experience of time and the self becomes distorted which can generate feelings of wellbeing and clarity.

As I became absorbed in painting the experience expanded into a dynamic interchange between myself and the art, in an unexpected interactive process. Bullen, Fox & Lyon’s (2016) study explores this process and the intense experience of ‘being present … with a quality of engagement, immediacy and acuity of perception… maintaining and sustaining the artists’ receptivity as the drawing unfolds’. (p.129)

 As I painted, I found myself connecting with the universal ‘life-death-life cycle’, the art bringing it into my conscious awareness in a reciprocal process. My sense and awareness of the nature of how things are, not in an intellectual sense but as a felt, embodied sense, deepened. A transpersonal experience where a perceptual shift of awareness expands beyond our individual sense of identity, accompanied by feelings of awe, joy, and peace.

Pluralistic Practice

Pluralistic practice involves being open to the wide variety of experiences and meanings attached of grief. Clients in therapy might not recognise that their symptoms may relate to grief, even many years after bereavement. So, I find it helpful to pay attention to physical symptoms, low energy, or mood that seems unexplained, and I often ask about significant times of year or dates to explore any potential connection.

Pluralistic practice involves asking clients about their beliefs, their experience of loss, accepting all truths and experience as equally valid whilst prioritising the beliefs and perspective of the client over those of the therapist. This ‘curiosity and a genuine interest in the client, their life …paying attention to and actively seeking to identify their knowledge and resources, but also initiating exploration into aspects of experience that neither of you understand’ (Smith & de la Prida, p.29) is crucial. Inviting exploration helps client and therapist learn about personal resources, strengths, activities and methods that have helped the grieving process, harnessing the insights of both the client and therapist.

The use of rituals can be a helpful resource and touchstone which may help to create space to experience and process grief emotions.. Rituals around death have ancient roots: they are varied and intrinsically linked to culture and to personal beliefs. Rituals can be collective as in memorial services and laying flowers on a grave, or they can be deeply personal and unique. Asking a client how they mark an anniversary, can bring to light personal and cultural rituals.  One client, whose father died, takes her son to a local ice-cream parlour on the anniversary of her father’s death. They eat his favourite ice cream, drink his favourite brand of beer, and laugh and cry as they share memories of him with each other. Their personal ritual creates a space and becomes a container for processing their feelings.

From a pluralistic perspective curiosity and openness to each individual experience of grief, and of the personal resources of client and therapist is a key principle of practice. In therapy I may invite clients to engage in art, drawing on my personal knowledge and experience of its therapeutic value, explaining how art can act as a container for grief and can help to process feelings. Being able to draw on my clients’ personal knowledge and draw on my own experience helps me tailor therapy to each client and foster the processing of grief in therapy in deeply personalised and meaningful ways.

Further Resources

Useful further resources on understanding stages of grief include Elizabeth Kubler Ross.  From a pluralistic perspective John Wilson offers a comprehensive view of models and helpful resources for practice.  

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