Happy Hannukah from the worst Jew ever

[image error]

Jew, me?

Look, I appreciate my Jewish heritage. We've got Woody Allen movies. Matzo Ball Soup. Hollywood. Sex appeal. Doctors. Frankly, we've got all the good jokes. But I'm not going to lie to you: Right now, I'm listening to my friend Paul's "Classic Christmas" playlist, while bathed in the twinkling lights of my Christmas tree, and burning a Dipthyque "Evergreen" holiday candle. Let's face it: Christmas smells good. It's cheerful and pretty. It inspires songs that aren't in the key of D...