How to Have a Good Fight

I don’t know who this is for, but someone needs this today. Here are a few great guidelines for handling relational conflict.

1. Give the benefit of the doubt. In conflict our imaginations can run wild. Don’t assume the wost about the other person. Assume she has good intentions and ultimately means well.

2. Find out the back story. In conflict, there’s typically more going on than you can see. Try to discern what else is happening in the life of the person you’re in conflict with. It may give you great perspective on why he is acting the way he is and even make you compassionate toward him.

3. Listen more than you talk. Before you make your points, hear hers.

4. Don’t talk about the other person–that’s gossip and even slander. Talk to him. The only one you can talk to about the person you’re in conflict with is God. (The exception being a counselor or someone advising you on how to work through the conflict.)

5. Don’t try to win, try to grow. The point of conflict isn’t always to prevail, it’s to mature. Be humble enough to ask God to grow you through the conflict, regardless of how it turns out.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24