Too Much to Say

A manufactured evil spirit, a thought experiment about bears, a poorly considered speech, and multiple memoirs hitting the shelves mean I have a plethora of subjects to write about.

It’s overwhelming.

And it’s heartbreaking because with each subject has come discussion from half the population relaying their personal experiences—and objections from many of the other half stating that the personal experiences of people at their most vulnerable aren’t “good enough reasons” for change.

Once again, people REFUSE to listen—to REALLY hear what is being said.

The Jezebel Spirit

I wrote about this in last week’s post, but it’s worth a revisit. https://thelitlady733988438.wordpress.com/2024/05/11/accused-of-having-the-jezebel-spirit-consider-the-alternatives/

Women and men, many of whom are in ministry, are accused of having “The Jezebel Spirit” when they refuse to accept spiritual abuse in its various forms. Speaking out against bullying, emotional abuse, and economic manipulation? Jezebel spirit! Protesting against church leaders covering up sexual crimes? Jezebel spirit! Pointing out that there IS NO JEZEBEL SPIRIT IN THE BIBLE? Well, then, you really DO have the Jezebel spirit!

Those who needed to hear the voices of these women the most refused to listen.

(For an excellent article concerning the Jezebel spirit phenomenon, click here: https://baremarriage.com/2024/04/stop-calling-women-jezebel-spirit/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTAAAR3OlQ47bdu72azYkSTTsY3ygfB9ml9J61axaxUCuWTpZLXbxZMwVvNNhls_aem_AXyoBT3tZlIu_kpRKsrC2bz9D9WiH9XpOE3lvXABN6zpiW48WBpnYiuLL6I4DJioIhGLq9TE5R_V_-h0uZ5OpDHN )

Man or Bear?

The thought experiment went viral on every social media platform. Women were asked, “Would you rather run into a man you don’t know or a bear in the forest?” Overwhelmingly, women not only chose a bear, but they gave reasons why. They noted that a bear in the woods would most likely leave them alone and go about their bear business. When it came to men, however, women pointed out that even when they said no, played dead, made noise, or attempted to escape, the men who attacked them wouldn’t accept their answers and continued to hunt them until they got what they wanted.

So, how did men react to the women’s stories? Some became protective allies, demanding change. But others stepped forward to tell women that they were WRONG! Bears were MUCH more dangerous! Some of them even rephrased the question as “Would you rather be KILLED by a man or a bear.” Not the same question and even more chilling since many women had declared that at least a bear would “only kill you.”

Those who needed to hear the voices of these women the most refused to listen.

The Commencement Speech

As a teacher, I attended 18 graduations and listened to 18 speeches by guest speakers. When the speaker had an educational background, the speeches were excellent, but when it was a friend of our pastor’s, we had no idea what to expect. They delivered the cringiest messages, including an incomprehensible 20-minute story about purchasing an expensive pen.

But I don’t remember a single graduation where our special speaker told the graduating class that their hard work and scholarship were to remain secondary to their future as spouses and parents. Not because our Christian school was anti-family—far from it—but because it didn’t have a place in a commencement address. And not a single speaker (in a denomination that was extremely patriarchal) ever told the girls that they were made primarily for marriage and motherhood.

While Harrison Butker’s speech addressed multiple issues within the Catholic church and Catholic culture, it was his address to the women that they “have had the most diabolical lies told to you” (referencing their desires for careers over marriage) that made the news. He told a class of college graduates that they’d be happier when they began to “disregard the outside noise and move closer and closer to God’s will in their life,” implying that God’s will is for them to marry and have children. He claimed to be the voice of “experience.”

Again, women spoke up, first, objecting to this specific part of his speech and then voicing their own experiences. Women who were widowed as young wives explained the difficulties they’d faced when they found themselves as the sole support of a family with giant gaps in their resumes, a lack of job experience, and no financial security. Others mentioned that even though they would love to be married and have children, it wasn’t an option for them. Some who are married and have children pointed out that it was nearly impossible for a single-income family to exist in the US. They didn’t have the luxury of a multi-million-dollar NFL contract.

And those who objected to the speech were accused of being anti-marriage.

Those who needed to hear the voices of these women the most refused to listen.

Memoirs

I like to keep a non-fiction book in the mix of my reading pile. Usually, it’s a memoir. Lately, the memoirs focus on recovery from abuse (the subject matter of my novels). Unfortunately, I’m spoiled for choice. I’m currently listening to Rift by Cait West, detailing her life in the stay-at-home-daughter movement.

Baptistland by Christa Brown exposes the cultural acceptance of family and church abuse as a “normal” part of life and demands justice for the victims who have been railroaded into silence.

What is a Girl Worth by Rachel Denhollander was about young women victimized by the US gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar.

Counting the Cost showed the pressure even an adult woman, wife, and mother could feel when trying to find independence after being raised in an extremely controlling (and famous) religious family.

These women wrote their memoirs after years of addressing their abusers, talking to their spiritual leaders, and finally breaking ties and writing their stories, exposing the truth of all they’d experienced. They needed to make their voices heard.

But those who needed to hear the voices of these women the most refused to listen.

In attempts to be heard, women have created reels and TikToks, started podcasts, and written novels (my preferred path) and memoirs. Unfortunately, they have too much to say — and too few people are willing to listen.