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2022 – Year End Wrap Up & More Lessons Learned

You. Are. Enough.

Three words I wish I had heard when I was younger. At the risk of getting off-track about writing and books, this post will be entirely personal.

I spent decades believing I wasn’t good enough. Perhaps it was my upbringing, and always being told I wasn’t good enough. That I wasn’t worthy, and my thoughts and ideas weren’t worthy. It took me over thirty years to realize that I was. I’m worth it, and so are you.

I do believe we should always strive to be better. But know your limits. Know when you need to take a break. Self-reflect, and let go of anything, and anyone that is not serving you.

I believed I shouldn’t have standards for jobs, or even relationships and friendships. I believed in the past, that I should take what I could get.

I spent years in a job and in relationships where my coworkers, bosses, and partners did not respect me, because I did not respect myself.

It wasn’t until I met my best friend three years ago, who had gone on a journey of discovering her self-worth years ago. She asked me once, when we were just starting to get to know each other: “You have a great career. You have your own car. Your own apartment. But you’re a doormat. You need to believe you’re worth more than you think you are.” She aspired to be in my position one day, and she told me so, that I was her role model.

And then I got my dream job, the one I spoke about in my 2019 post. In the past three years, I’ve grown so much. I was forced to confront all my fears, and be better. I was too insecure to supervise before, and now I had students I was responsible for. Public speaking was never my forte (and literally to the point where I would be scared shitless. My hands would tremble, I’d start stammering, I’d sweat, and the anticipation was so, so stressful. I truly believed no one would care what I have to say), yet I was forced to give presentation after presentation, and now, four years later, I am no longer nervous, and instead, am excited about presenting my knowledge.

I never thought I’d be in a position where I’d be taken seriously as a leader. Yet, here I am in a leadership program, and put in charge of a project of my choosing, and where I would be responsible for making a change. For the first time in my life, people wanted to listen to what I had to say. My ideas are valued, and I’m slowly developing my assertiveness skills and coming into my own.

Finally, turning this back to writing. I started the year querying a revised YA contemporary fantasy manuscript. I had sent it to 60+ agents over the course of 3 years and dozens of revisions. I had one partial request, one full request, and the rest were rejections or no responses. Some personalized, most form. I probably could have cast a wider net, but at the same time, I was completing a project I was so, so excited about. And truly, I wasn’t feeling my querying manuscript anymore. So, I shelved it.

For the first time in ten years, I completed my first new manuscript – my adult fantasy romance with mermaids. I knew adult fantasy was a competitive market (well, I suppose in 2022, the majority of markets are competitive with more queries being sent out than ever), but I wanted to throw my hat in the ring. I hope everyday that this book will find its champion. But regardless of what happens, I’m proud of myself for finishing a new manuscript. For starting to draft another.

Always celebrate your wins. Mourn your losses, but know that this too, shall pass. Learn from your mistakes. You can always be better. Finally, chase your dreams, and never be afraid to improve. Remember, you can always do more than you think you can, and more resilient than you think you are.

Happy holidays, everyone!

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Published on December 16, 2022 20:25

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