A VERY FRANK TALK
“Your man will tell you what you need to know on your wedding night.”
There are still plenty of women alive today who were sent into adult life with that one-sentence sex talk. Possibly accompanied by the comment that no good woman wants or needs to know more.
In June of 1900, Ella Shane, a professional woman in her 30s, who’s spent her career playing men on stage, would still go into her own marriage with the same woeful ignorance, if her Aunt Ellen has her way. It’s high Victorian mores at their highest, combined with Irish immigrant respectability, and it’s not just about Ella. It’s also about her family: by delivering an innocent bride to the altar, they’re upholding their honor and social status.
The Victorians, of course, weren’t the first to place great importance on virgin brides. That’s been around as long as there’s been patriarchy – and probably before. In earlier times, when marriage was a property rather than a personal matter, the issue was more about delivering the goods in the best condition for the job: continuing the undisputed genetic line of her new family.
Even so, there are hints in the historical record that people were a bit less hung up on the rules: researchers have discovered a significant number of Colonial couples welcomed their first child within just a few months of marriage. And from at least the medieval period, it was common for couples to start living as husband and wife after a betrothal ceremony, even if it wasn’t followed by a wedding for some time – possibly not until a child was on the way.
Where the Victorians really set new standards was in the idea of “sheltering” young women. In other words, keeping them in absolute ignorance of not only sex, but the workings of their own bodies. Young women were given the bare minimum amount of information about menstruation, and sometimes not even that. It’s clear from memoirs, fiction, and family stories that any number of girls thought they were dying the first time their “monthly visitor” arrived, instead of understanding it as a normal, natural process.
And forget about the opposite sex.
In a world where piano “limbs” were covered to avoid indelicacy, girls were pointedly steered away from classical statues, fig leaves or not. They had little or no idea what a male body looked like. Many arrived at their marriage aware only that their husbands would have “demands,” but entirely uncertain about what those demands might be.
Ella Shane would be one of them, if not for a very frank talk with her doctor. By 1900, the idea that women should go into marriage with a basic understanding of the facts of life has started to catch on in progressive circles. Dr. Edith Silver, Ella’s physician, is definitely part of that school of thought.
So, even though Aunt Ellen doesn’t approve, Ella has a sit-down with Dr. Silver in the run-up to the wedding. Unfortunately, there’s another frank talk she needs to have: with her future husband, who’s getting the innocent bride every Victorian man wants…and is absolutely terrified! You’ll have to read A FATAL OVERTURE to see how that works out!
Got a #ThrowbackThursday idea? Drop it in the comments!
There are still plenty of women alive today who were sent into adult life with that one-sentence sex talk. Possibly accompanied by the comment that no good woman wants or needs to know more.
In June of 1900, Ella Shane, a professional woman in her 30s, who’s spent her career playing men on stage, would still go into her own marriage with the same woeful ignorance, if her Aunt Ellen has her way. It’s high Victorian mores at their highest, combined with Irish immigrant respectability, and it’s not just about Ella. It’s also about her family: by delivering an innocent bride to the altar, they’re upholding their honor and social status.
The Victorians, of course, weren’t the first to place great importance on virgin brides. That’s been around as long as there’s been patriarchy – and probably before. In earlier times, when marriage was a property rather than a personal matter, the issue was more about delivering the goods in the best condition for the job: continuing the undisputed genetic line of her new family.
Even so, there are hints in the historical record that people were a bit less hung up on the rules: researchers have discovered a significant number of Colonial couples welcomed their first child within just a few months of marriage. And from at least the medieval period, it was common for couples to start living as husband and wife after a betrothal ceremony, even if it wasn’t followed by a wedding for some time – possibly not until a child was on the way.
Where the Victorians really set new standards was in the idea of “sheltering” young women. In other words, keeping them in absolute ignorance of not only sex, but the workings of their own bodies. Young women were given the bare minimum amount of information about menstruation, and sometimes not even that. It’s clear from memoirs, fiction, and family stories that any number of girls thought they were dying the first time their “monthly visitor” arrived, instead of understanding it as a normal, natural process.
And forget about the opposite sex.
In a world where piano “limbs” were covered to avoid indelicacy, girls were pointedly steered away from classical statues, fig leaves or not. They had little or no idea what a male body looked like. Many arrived at their marriage aware only that their husbands would have “demands,” but entirely uncertain about what those demands might be.
Ella Shane would be one of them, if not for a very frank talk with her doctor. By 1900, the idea that women should go into marriage with a basic understanding of the facts of life has started to catch on in progressive circles. Dr. Edith Silver, Ella’s physician, is definitely part of that school of thought.
So, even though Aunt Ellen doesn’t approve, Ella has a sit-down with Dr. Silver in the run-up to the wedding. Unfortunately, there’s another frank talk she needs to have: with her future husband, who’s getting the innocent bride every Victorian man wants…and is absolutely terrified! You’ll have to read A FATAL OVERTURE to see how that works out!
Got a #ThrowbackThursday idea? Drop it in the comments!
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