The Good In Regret
What would it be like to be able to look back at your whole life and say with confidence, “no regrets”? It sounds amazing, but I can’t say I know how it feels. When I look back, there are plenty of moments that are permanently stuck as perfect, vivid memories—not because I’m proud of them, but because of how much they make me cringe. Out of all the thousands of things I’ve forgotten, I’d love to be able to forget the mean and stupid things I’ve said and the foolish choices I’ve made and the embarrassing immaturity I’ve displayed, but those memories are firmly fixed in place. “No regrets”? I have to be honest, that’s not me. I have regrets.
That’s bad, of course, because it shows how often I’ve gone wrong. Sometimes the problems came from simple ignorance, but other times they were wilful—I knew better, and went ahead anyway. My biggest regrets remind me of these wilful failures, of my selfishness, and sin. They replay my bad attitudes, and pride. Can we change the channel, please?
Not so fast. I know very well how uncomfortable regrets can be, but there is still a goodness in them. Yes, goodness. I’m not saying we should all be constantly fixated on our failures, but neither should we completely ignore them. I’ve heard that those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and I certainly do not want that to be true of my own personal history. The sting of regret is a spur that digs into my side and drives me forward on a different course, and I dare not ignore it.
Regret won’t do me any good if I cover it up as quickly as possible, try my best to forget it, or twist everything around to justify myself as somehow being right after all. If I refuse to recognise my wrongs and learn from them, I will not only miss the opportunity to improve, I’ll actually become worse. Creating habits of hiding, self-deception, and self-justification is a dangerous game, and I’m the first loser. I must own my wrongs fully. But that doesn’t mean I have to live under the guilt and shame of regret forever—I have a Saviour who offers full forgiveness freely, though it came at great cost to himself. He also gives his own power to change me. As John writes in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” My regrets aren’t good in themselves, but they can do me great good if they drive me to Jesus. I’ll never regret taking any regret to him.
“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret” (2 Corinthians 7:10).
