The Hunt for Validation
I was recently on a Zoom call discussing edits and suggestions for one of my stories. I was explaining to my friend that the number of rejection letters I’d received lately was feeling like a lot and was the reason I hadn’t done more writing.
Let me be frank – I don’t like talking about this. I’m not embarrassed to share that I’ve received rejection letters. I think if you’re a writer of any stripe who has never received one then, well, I’d like to take your class. What bothers me about sharing this openly is that I know the advice I’ll receive.
“Being a writer is like being a musician or an actor. It’s really competitive and only a few people ‘make it.'”
“You know, Stephen King got 200 rejection letters before someone published Carrie.”
“Writing’s gotta be your side hustle. You can’t rely on it for a full income.”
And the worst – “You need to write for you. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You have to get your validation internally.”
That last one might have been said by my therapist. And here’s the thing – he’s not wrong. None of my lovely, well-meaning friends or my husband have been wrong when they’ve said these things.
Writers know how competitive their field is and we’ve all heard about that famous one who received rejection after rejection until one day, like magic, an acceptance letter arrived in their mailbox and their entire career was made. We know that too.
As for the money aspect of all this I could really give a shit. Don’t get me wrong, I’d like to make a profit on the sale of my book, but I’d really just like to see more people read it.
I write for me. And I write for David and sometimes the kids. I do get a sense of fulfillment when I finish a story and it feels complete. I relish it when David reads one of my stories and stares, impressed, as he re-reads the last few lines. That’s a great feeling.
What’s more is I don’t feel like a fraud calling myself a writer. I don’t need someone else’s validation for that. I’m a writer. I write. Sometimes well. But for some reason that I can’t explain I need some sort of reinforcement. I need someone with some punch to vouch for me. Some sort of writer street cred.
I’ve submitted my manuscript to a few publishers and no one’s bitten yet. That’s fine. I didn’t expect the first book I wrote would be a masterpiece. I’m learning and growing. I continue to submit my short stories of various word counts to different publications. I suppose I’m hoping for just one of them to respond and say, “Congratulations, you’ve done writing!”
Most of these contests/deadlines don’t offer cash prizes and let’s be honest, we know that anthologies are often mostly read by the writers in them and their families/friends. So it’s not financial gain or even readership that I’m looking for in this instance. There seems to be this need to hear someone who knows a thing or two about writing say, “This is where you belong.”
Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be a way for me to give that feeling to myself. Oh well, therapy at 11am.
