Vow of Silence Broken: What It’s Like at a Silent Retreat

I’m not supposed to be writing this. I’m at a silent retreat and even writing to myself is forbidden. Now, every whisper on the page is a broken vow, a crack in my facade of serenity.   When I signed up for this five-day retreat, I expected it to be easy-ish. How hard could it be to be quiet, enjoy solitude, healthy vegetarian eating and yoga? Five days of silence. No phone, no internet, no chattering chorus of social media. Just me, the mountains, and my thoughts. Easy peasy.  I’m looking for more peace, a retreat from the relentless symphony of busy, modern life. I didn’t expect that my thoughts would be a deafening hum or that I’d have to give up my daily journaling habit. But here we are.   When I asked what I should do instead of journaling, the teacher said, “Why do you need something to do? Try to just sit with yourself.” I’m not even sure what that means, I said. She suggested walking among the trees. “Be with nature, not just in it.” Okay, I sigh under my breath. The process, however, will be gradual; I’m still technically allowed my journal today. But tomorrow, well, tomorrow, […]

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