A masterclass on how to write the perfect opening

The opening chapter of Roseanna M. White’s JEWEL OF PERSIA is a masterclass on how to write the perfect opening.

First of all, there are only a few characters ~ two girls and two men. Since one of the men doesn’t say a word, that leaves on three characters. But the real energy of this opening chapter comes from the dialogue between an Unknown Persian Nobleman and 16-year-old Kasia (pronounced kah-ZEEH-ah).

Kasia and her 12-year-old friend Esther are taking an unplanned break by dipping their toes into the freezing water of the river. They are laughing at their situation, when two men silently appear. Immediately, Kasia gets out of the river to stand in front of her young friend in order to protect her from the men.When she eventually looks up, the tall man steps forward. 

Secondly, the engine of the scene is a marvelous piece of dialog, which is not only witty but has great dialog tags that help you to follow along ~

“My apologies for startling you. We should have continued on our way after we realized your cry was not for help. But I was intrigued. You often wade into the river swollen from mountain snows?”

Esther gripped Kasia’s tunic and pulled her back half a step to whisper “Kasia. Just give your apologies so that we can go.”

Sage advice. Except she doubted a man of import would take kindly to his questions going unanswered. 

“Not often, lord, no. I rarely have the time and I should not have taken it today. My parents will are expecting me home. If you will excuse me.”

~ And so it continues for the rest of Chapter One.

The writing is so persuasive that it can be easy to notice that this whole thing strains credulity. If you are surprised that  a nobleman could be such a gentleman, you are not alone. If you are incredulous that Xerxes the Great who pitted the might of the Persian Empire against the Greeks at Thermopylae, and destroyed Athens is a hen-pecked husband in thrall to a 16-year-old concubine from the wrong side of Susa, then I have to agree with you. 

While I thought the portrait of Xerxes in this volume charming, I feel obliged to say that it does not bear any semblance to reality. It really isn’t likely that the “King of Kings” ~ who could have any woman he liked ~ would be so gallant. It is far more likely that he had the personality of Henry VIII (who murdered two of his wives.) Four stars.

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