South Carolina Does It Again This Week

If we learned anything from the Murdaugh trial, it’s that Dick Harpootlian knows glitter from gold. Other than his disastrous decision to put Alex on the stand—which everyone and their housecat knows came from straight from Alex, against Poot-Poot’s strenuous objections—the trial was a masterpiece of jurisprudence on his part. Well, at least the opening statement. I mean, he worked what he had: a seersuckered Boss Hogg ruddied by time, privilege, and heart disease. Alex Murdaugh’s guiltier than Lucifier.

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So when ol’ Poot-Poot proposed an amendment to a Second Amendment Bill in front of the South Carolina General Assembly, he knew exactly what he was saying.

@scprogressivepoliticsYou didnt realize you won’t be able to carry at the statehouse? Bless your heart. #southcarolina #sclegislature #s109 #scconstitutionalcarry #constitutionalcarry #opencarry #dickharpootlian #scsenatorharpootlian [image error]Tiktok failed to load.

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“Folks up there” [in the gallery], he says, should be able to “strap one on.”

What, what? Surely he doesn’t know what that sounds like—

“Senator from Spartanburg,” Harpootlian tells the legislative body, “It will also allow us to strap them on. So if someone starts firing, the rest of us can fire back . . . Why would you not want people with guns here? Walking around strapped on, that’s what it’s all about, the ability to defend yourself.”

The esteemed senator from the Midlands knows exactly what a strap-on is, y’all, and he’s using that verbiage on purpose. Yes, Southerners are insane, but he doesn’t really want guns in the gallery of the General Assembly. He wants to needle the Republicans.

It’s about guns. Guns, and traumatizing the religious right.

Nikki Goes Feral

Tricky “None of the Above” Nikki, trailing by an unimaginable margin in her home state, made headlines when she handed out copies of Trump’s mental competency test. What took you so long?

It’s a serious South Carolina move. It’s petty. It’s funny. It’s in service of a cause long-lost despite full knowledge of that failure—our state motto, Dum Spiro Spero, roughly translates to “I tilt at windmills.” Most importantly, Nikki’s gestures is a glimmer of truth from a source of near-limitless bullshit. We can’t decide if we want to cry, laugh, or rage, rage, against the dying of the light.

Her campaign’s doomed. But don’t worry, Nikki. I’m sure USC’s Darla Moore School of Business needs a titular head.

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