Would you turn the page?

Here’s one of Rhamey’s posts: would you turn the page of this bestseller? I do like these challenges, although to be fair, I really ought to figure out what the bestselling fantasy and SF titles are and post one of those. But then I would know who the author was before I looked at the first page, which isn’t as much fun.

Anyway, first page:

***

The walled and gated McGrath estate was a world unto itself, protected and private. On this twilit evening, the Tudor-style home’s mullioned windows glowed jewel-like amid the lush, landscaped grounds. Palm fronds swayed overhead; candles floated on the surface of the pool and golden lanterns hung from the branches of a large California live oak. Black-clad servers moved among the well-dressed crowd, carrying silver trays full of champagne, while a jazz trio played softly in the corner.

Twenty-year-old Frances Grace McGrath knew what was expected of her tonight. She was to be the very portrait of a well-bred young lady, smiling and serene; any untoward emotions were to be contained and concealed, borne in silence. The lessons Frankie had been taught at home and at church and at St. Bernadette’s Academy for Girls had instilled in her a rigorous sense of propriety. The unrest going on across the country these days, erupting on city streets and college campuses, was a distant and alien world to her, as incomprehensible as the conflict in faraway Vietnam.

She circulated among the guests, sipping an ice-cold Coca-Cola, trying to smile, stopping now and then to make small talk with her parents’ friends, hoping her worry didn’t show. All the while, her gaze searched the crowd for her brother, who was late to his own party.

***

What do you think?

I think the first paragraph does okay at establishing the setting — it’s fairly minimal, but it’s good enough to see the scene. However, I don’t like this kind of setting. The second paragraph does okay at establishing the protagonist. I don’t like her either. I think both the setting and the protagonist are terribly cliched, and they are cliches I dislike. I would not turn the page. I’m repulsed by the page — not strongly, but definitely repulsed.

As a separate question, is this opening active or passive? Remember when I posted a bit of Laura Ruby’s books and bolded the telling? Or what I thought might count as telling? Let me try that here.

***

The thing is, I like description, so the first paragraph doesn’t bother me at all just because it’s static. I’m fine with beginning with static description. It’s not a bad idea to snap a still image and begin with that. Two or three paragraphs of static description would be fine with me, if the description was good and engaging. I think the description here is good, but not engaging.

But to me, the second paragraph might as well read:

Insert completely cliched young woman who, gasp! doesn’t like formal parties.

So … taking a moment to do static description of the protagonist is not working for me. I don’t think you have to open with action. I don’t even think it’s important to open with action. But this particular opening doesn’t work for me because I don’t find this protagonist at all interesting of fun. I think she’s completely boring. The missing brother is not enough to make me care about the protagonist.

Oh, this is Kristen Hannah’s The Women. I’ve heard of that. I have no inclination to read it. Here’s the description from Amazon:

Women can be heroes. When twenty-year-old nursing student Frances “Frankie” McGrath hears these words, it is a revelation. Raised in the sun-drenched, idyllic world of Southern California and sheltered by her conservative parents, she has always prided herself on doing the right thing. But in 1965, the world is changing, and she suddenly dares to imagine a different future for herself. When her brother ships out to serve in Vietnam, she joins the Army Nurse Corps and follows his path.

As green and inexperienced as the men sent to Vietnam to fight, Frankie is over-whelmed by the chaos and destruction of war. Each day is a gamble of life and death, hope and betrayal; friendships run deep and can be shattered in an instant. In war, she meets—and becomes one of—the lucky, the brave, the broken, and the lost.

But war is just the beginning for Frankie and her veteran friends. The real battle lies in coming home to a changed and divided America, to angry protesters, and to a country that wants to forget Vietnam.

The Women is the story of one woman gone to war, but it shines a light on all women who put themselves in harm’s way and whose sacrifice and commitment to their country has too often been forgotten. A novel about deep friendships and bold patriotism, The Women is a richly drawn story with a memorable heroine whose idealism and courage under fire will come to define an era.

I doubt this can in any way compare to Rose Under Fire. That’s the “young women going to war” story I would recommend.