Little shifts in my mindset lately…

I’ve had two little shifts in the way I look at things and what I’m doing that I’m hoping will have a big effect on my little life. I just thought I’d share…

How I approach my internal struggles and anxieties

This is a big one, actually, not small, but the result feels the same so maybe that’s why I’m minimising it. It’s no secret that I’ve done a lot of therapy and counselling across my (almost) 29 years, since I was 16 and technically even at 7 when my dad passed away. But I feel stuck in a cycle of needing it because I have problematic and obsessive thinking patterns and of course this leads to poor mental health.

But in my latest counselling session, I decided to look at my problems in a new way. Instead of trauma or anxiety to process and heal, instead personality traits that I can work to change.

Don’t get me wrong here, I like some parts of myself. I’m not about to completely neglect who I am in the pursuit of becoming someone else. Instead, I just see this as a new angle to approach the same problem. I want to correct my disordered thinking and so I can list personality traits, habits and tendencies that I have and work on what I would like instead. As long as it comes from a healthy place of growth and not self-deprecation and hate, it’s all good.

What’s the difference? I think it’s simpler, perhaps. It feels less heavy and it’s not about dredging up the past yet again to try to figure myself out. I think that at this point in my life, I generally have an idea about the things or potential reasons for my anxieties and coping mechanisms. Now I need to stop reliving them, perhaps, and just see my problems as something to fix with personality change, personal growth and confidence building aside from the causes. Sometimes we get caught up in the blame game and don’t get to the change part.

I want to rewrite the old narratives but more importantly, perhaps, I want to start a new story of confidence and self-belief.

This is about turning my weaknesses and “negative” traits into strengths. Changing my natural reactions of fear into positive ones of hope and trust and play. It’s about pushing myself to perhaps “fake it until I make it” by playing the character I want to be, enjoying how it feels (if I don’t, there’s something wrong), until it becomes more natural.

Doing what I need to do

I’ve decided lately that I workout when I want to. Crazy, right?! It’s seems as if I would never work out (like many of us) if I only did it when I wanted to. But there’s a second part to this: knowing how to make myself want to do something. This comes from a lot of self awareness and self discovery. What makes you want to do the things you know you should do, like exercising, writing, reading, cleaning etc?

Is it looking at an aesthetic for motivation?Is it a harsher method like looking at all the problems and realising you must do it or else?Is it making it fun by putting on your favourite music or an audiobook you’re listening to?Is it making it easier and simpler, by making it small and doing any smaller variation of that task?Is it visualising your future self being happy and thriving because of the actions you take today? Is it eating and drinking to fuel yourself to be ready for that task? (maybe even a nap beforehand?)

Doing things you actually want to do feels good and easy. Sadly, we can’t rely on naturally wanting to do hard or complicated things, so we need to motivate ourselves. We need to make that thing approachable, simple, fun, rewarding.

Remember that either way, everything you’re doing is for future you. Try to think about your plans and actions as communication between your present and future self. What will your future self thank you for? Would they be proud and happy with what you did for them today? Are you making their lives easier for them, or harder?

Now that’s motivational (at least for me)!

Let me know if you’re shifting your thinking this season change and how you are feeling going into the sunnier season.

Sincerely,

S. Xx