A day in limbo

 

Sophie waiting for company on the patio.
We had our first patio gathering tonight.
This morning before I was evenout of bed, the vet called with not-so-good news. Sophie’s kidneys werefailing. He didn’t sound hopeful, but he said we would give her the morning andsee how she did. He’d call back mid-day. So I piddled—read emails, readFacebook, answered a bit of correspondence, but all thoughts of creative workfled. I was watching the clock and wondering what his idea of mid-day was. Ithink I was a case study in suspended animation.

My kids rallied around, asthey always do when I need them. Colin, skiing with his family in Wolf Creek,Colorado, has called three times and been very supportive. I guess the bestthing he said to me was, “You’re always tough about the big things.” And this,I agreed, was a big thing. Megan, packing up her family in Tahoe to head home,called, and Jamie called from Denver and tried to cheer me with made-upBiblical quotes. I love them for trying, but talking to them made me teary. Iwas better off when I didn’t talk about Sophie.

Dr. Burney called around two o’clock.No change. She was still lethargic, not interested in food, not interested inpeeing, kind of mentally sluggish as well as physically. But he didn’t soundready to give up. When I said, “She was my miracle baby,” he said, “Oh, I know.Mine two.” So we decided to give her the afternoon. He called aboutfive-thirty, and we agreed to give her until morning. Are we postponing theinevitable? Maybe. One thought I had was that whether or not Soph tookadvantage of the day, it had been a help to me, allowed me a chance to collectmyself and face what lies ahead. I sent her a telepathic message this morning,told her it was up to her—she either had to turn it around or shut it down, butshe had to save me from making the decision. Dr. Burney said he was sure shegot the message, but he would repeat it to her. I love that man.

So we are still in limbo. I thinktomorrow morning, no matter which way it goes, Jordan and I will go to theveterinary clinic and see her. When she was so sick a year ago, Dr. Burneywarned me that she would be mad at me, because she thought whatever happened toher was my doing. And boy, was he right. She wouldn’t come near me. So thatworries me a bit about going to see her. Jordan thinks seeing us will give hera boost. I am not sure.

And to pile complication oncomplication: Jacob has tested positive for Covid. He’s just home from athree-day fishing/swimming/hanging out trip to Oklahoma with three buddies.Called his mom at lunch and said he couldn’t taste his Chick Filet. (In myopinion that’s a good thing—I boycott Chick Filet, but he loves it and I can’t appealto his teenage hunger on moral grounds). So when he got home, he testedpositive. So now he’s bummed, because he can’t hang out with his buddies duringhis senior year spring break, and he can’t work to earn money.

But there is family good news.My brother, who is pretty much bedridden, has been in the hospital for two orthree weeks, but it looks like he can go home tomorrow. I’m so grateful for smallslivers of hope.

Tonight Subie and Phil camefor a drink. She said she watched all day for a message telling them not tocome, but I would have wanted them here no matter which way things went withSophie. They are longtime friends, the kind who are a comfort, and they weretonight. It was the first time Subie drove over our new, nicely flat driveway,and she was full of raves about it.

I am deeply grateful to all ofyou who have sent hugs and prayers and good wishes. You help me as I wait inlimbo, and I’m sure. If she knew, Sophie would be grateful too. She always didlove to be the center of attention.