5 Different Ways to Say No

 

One of the most important things you can learn if you want to be more effective, more productive, and less stressed is how to say “no.”

Some people will tell you that “no” is a complete sentence, but I don’t think that’s the best approach if you want to be a good team player, maintain a positive reputation, and come across as someone who’s thoughtful and deliberate.

Instead, I’m going to share with you five different ways to say “no” based on the different reasons you might want to say no. What’s more, I’m going to share with you the techniques you can use to, hopefully, get the other person to see for themselves that the best answer is for you not to do what they’re asking.

Reason #1 to Say No: It’s Not Worth It

The first type of “no” is “it’s not worth it.”

If someone asks you to do something that you don’t think is a good use of your time—or of anyone’s time—ask a few questions to help them reach that same conclusion:

“How does this fit with our priorities?”“What were the results when we tried this before?”“What do you see us getting out of this?”

The goal is to help them realize that doing that thing isn’t going to help gain traction on anything that matters; that what they’re asking you to do is either not important or not actually going to help achieve their goal.

As you ask these questions, it will become clear to the other person that this is not really a task that needs to be done—that your “no” really means, “it’s not worth it.” You can, of course, follow that up with other things that you are doing that you think are a good investment of your time and effort. That way, you’re showing them that while that task may not be worth it, there are all sorts of other things you’re doing that are.

Reason #2 to Say No: Not Yet

The second type of “no” is “not yet.”

For example, someone comes to you with an amazing idea for an event that you’re doing in Q4—but it’s only the end of Q1 and you’re still trying to finish the deliverables you need to close the quarter. In this case, it really comes down to timing:

“When do you think you’ll be able to use my input?”“What would be the first milestone in this project?”

Asking these kinds of questions will help the other person understand exactly how the timeline will play out.

This would be another opportunity for you to bring up the things you’re working on, what your priorities are, and what you’ve already committed to doing. The goal is to share information and assess the timing of the request. You’re not telling them that you’re never going to help them, just that now isn’t the right time.

Reason #3 to Say No: Not Me

The third type of “no” is “not me.”

What if someone asks you to do something that’s not a good use of your time or that you can’t be successful at? When this happens, you want to ask questions that will help them understand that you’re not the best fit, such as “What expertise do you think is required?” or “What industry is this for?”

This is also a good time to consider whether you’re at the right level for the role and suggest alternatives: “There are three people on my team who would love to be at this meeting, and it would be great development for them. Could I ask one of them to come instead?” Or it might be the opposite situation where you don’t have enough authority to do what they want, so you might say, “I can’t make that decision. If I come to the meeting, you’re going to have to have a follow-up meeting with my boss anyway.”

And again, this would be a great time to bring up the things that you are doing, the things that you’re really useful at or can add value to, as opposed to what they’re asking you to do.

Reason #4 to Say No: Not All of It

The fourth type of “no” is “not all of it.”

This is a partial “no.” In this scenario, someone comes to you with a request where part of what you’re being asked to do makes sense, and you might say “yes” to that, but “no” (of one kind or another) to everything else. This is a “no” that actually pairs a “yes” with any of the first three types of “no.”

Let’s say someone comes to you, dumps 300 pages of background research on your desk, and asks you to write a proposal. Tackling a complete proposal like that would probably derail your work, but there might be a section there that makes sense for you to write based on your experience and skill set. In this case, you might say “yes” to that one section, but your experience is that no one reads the rest of them, so they’re “not worth it.” You might say “yes” to the time-sensitive part, but you think the other stuff can wait, so that’s a “not yet.” Or you might say “yes” to the things that really make sense and are a good fit for your expertise, but “not me” to everything else.

“Not all of it” is a really great way to take something that might have thrown you off your own priorities, because it allows you to say “no” to part of it, while still being able to focus on the part that is actually important, valuable, time-sensitive, and a good fit for your skills.

Reason #5 to Say No: Not Unless

The fifth type of “no” is “not unless.”

Again, this isn’t a definitive “no.” Often people will ask you to do something and you’ll find that it checks all the boxes you’re looking for:

It’s something that’s valuable and worth doing.It’s time-sensitive and needs to be done now.It’s a good fit for your skills and it makes sense for you to do it.

The problem is, the same could be said for a bunch of other things you’ve already committed to. Instead of saying “no,” tell them what’s on your plate right now. Help them see that you can’t just drop your previous commitments to jump on their thing. Unless… if they can help you renegotiate the things you’re committed to, find someone else to do them, or change the deadlines, that “no” might turn into “Absolutely, I think that’s a great use of my time.”

With “not unless,” you can create a situation where you have the resources and time you need to take on this new responsibility and do it well.

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When someone comes to you with a task and you know it’s not the best use of your time, or at least not the best use of your time right now, instead of just saying “no,” think about the reasons you would say “no” and use this approach to set boundaries in a way that makes sense—and communicate them effectively. Is it “not worth it,” “not yet,” “not for me,” “not all of it,” or “not unless”?

If you try this approach, let me know how it goes. And if it creates some conflict, here are some tips on how to make sure it’s healthy.

More On This

Conflict Resolution in the Workplace: Interpersonal Conflict

The Steps to Resolve a Conflict at Work

Are You Saying Yes Too Often?

Video: How to Have Healthy Conflict in the Workplace

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