Tues. Feb. 27, 2024: That Moment When It Shatters
image courtesy of Marcela Bolívar via pixabay.comTuesday, February 27, 2024
Waning Moon
Partly cloudy and mild
If you missed yesterday’s post over on the GDR site about first steps, you can read it here.
I hope you had a great weekend! Mine started well, but quickly descended. If you follow me on social media, you’ll know why.
Today’s serial episode is from LEGERDEMAIN:
Episode 167: The Murdered Man’s Room
What’s missing from the room is more interesting than what is left.
Friday was kind of all over the place. It felt very scattered, even though it was the good kind of busy.
I had an idea for a play that was inspired by the conversations I’ve had with various artists lately, that uses multiple levels of storytelling. I scribbled a couple of notes on it before I went out to run errands.
The snow was turning to rain by the time I left, so it wasn’t bad. I picked up my mom’s new prescription at the pharmacy, I did some grocery shopping, I did a pickup at the library (a lot of research books for the Playland Project). I prepped for my Zoom call with my Nightwood colleague.
I finished two sets of workshop proposals, and sent them off to the places I hope will hire me. Nothing ventured, and all that. That clears that off my plate, plus, now I have a solid proposal document I can use in a variety of ways.
My brain is already moving on to the two big, risky proposals that I want to work on. They’re both a stretch, and yet they feel right, so I will dig in and work on the proposal and see.
Of course, the Target order arrived just as I was about to sit down for the call. Hauled the box in the door, and left it until after.
My colleague and I had the best time talking! During the Nightwood program, we’d been in two separate pods (the group was split so that we could buckle down and do intensive work). The two of us weren’t in the same pod, so we only got to chat a few times over the course of the program. But we are both on the list of those wanting to stay in touch. This was our first chance to really chat, the two of us, and we want to make it a regular thing. She’s got her act together (in a very literal sense) as far as venue, she’s got a great promotor, a place to stay. We talked marketing, and marketing opportunities, and that she shouldn’t expect to sleep for the entirety of her time there!
Then, of course, I had to settle down and do some of the work I’m paid to do.
But, before then, I signed up for a Creative Capital session on their newest grant, and for their core curriculum to strengthen grant writing. Yes, I’ve gotten a few grants in the last few years; but I can always improve.
I did the coverages. I finished the reading for the Scholastic contest and entered the scores. As far as I know, I’m done with that. There were a lot of technical issues with the contest, but I’m glad I did it.
Made baked salmon in a honey-soy sauce with green beans and sweet potatoes spiced with cinnamon and cumin. So good! I can make the sauce to use with other dishes, and those sweet potatoes, cut up, coated with the spices and baked in the oven, are so yummy, they just might become a staple not just as a side dish, but a snack. The recipe is from THE WORKWEEK LUNCH BOOK, but we made it for dinner, and maybe we’ll use the leftover portions for lunch, or maybe another dinner.
I really like this cookbook. The copy I’m using is from the library, but I think I might just have to buy my own.
Spent a good bit of time Friday night thinking about various things: project possibilities, letting go of some people in my life in that they were an important part of my past, but I don’t really need to bring them back into my life for the present or the future. If we cross paths, great. If we don’t, I have some good memories (or, in some cases, some not so good memories, so there’s no reason to have them in my life anymore). There are certain people where it’s okay to lose touch. There are others with whom I enjoy keeping in touch.
There’s a lot of discussion and dismay in the various serial author groups. I read through some of it, but I rarely participate in the discussions, because my experience is so vastly different from that of most of the other authors. Overall, I would say that my experience is more positive, which is a good thing, as I don’t want to get caught up in the drama. I have enough to do to keep up with my business/creative plan for the serials, and the adjustments I have to make as Amazon finds ways to pay us less. Which will, in the long run, mean leaving the platform unless the authors self-purging causes a course correction (which I seriously doubt it will). I’m just going to keep on doing my thing in my way, adjust as necessary, and leave when it’s time. Those horizons keep growing shorter, and that’s okay.
Slept well Friday into Saturday (always appreciated). Did some puttering in the morning, and some work on household chores.
Let the idea for a play that was born out of the Open Studios conversations, and the idea that came out of a breakout room discussion in Wednesday’s workshop (which would be a Very Dark Comedy, bound to make plenty of the audience uncomfortable) percolate as I did the basic chop wood/carry water necessary to keep a household running.
Did a final pass on “Inspired By” and got the formatting sorted, and submitted it to a festival.
Thinking about some of the conversations in the serial author groups, where they talk about readers who don’t understand/want serials (which means they’re not finding the right audience), got me thinking. I worked on a video, which I think I might launch as an overall ad on why readers might enjoy serials, and how my serials are a little different. I finished the TikTok version and put it up on TikTok on Saturday afternoon.
I was about halfway through the wide version of the video (that I will use on the website and for the FB ad campaign) when I realized it was time to get the turkey meatloaf in the oven. I stopped what I was doing, made the meatloaf, and put it in the pan. My mom likes to do the potatoes, so I asked her if she wanted to.
That’s when it happened.
She was a little wobbly coming into the kitchen. Suddenly, she lost both her speech and motor skills.
I put her in a chair. I grabbed her medications and put them in a bag, put on her boots and her coat, and got her purse. I considered driving her to the hospital, but I didn’t think I could get her to the car, so I called 911. The ambulance was here fast. They started treating her right away while I turned off the oven, covered the meatloaf pan and stuck it in the fridge, made sure all the burners were turned off.
They put her in the ambulance, started treatment, and drove up the street to the city’s hospital, and I followed in my car. They brought her in through the ambulance entrance. I went around to the public entrance, security took my driver’s license to make an ID badge, and the very nice administrator did the paperwork. She was already in the computer, so we didn’t have to worry about the insurance cards and all the rest. They had me join her in the bay within about 10 minutes.
They had her on an IV and kept giving her a special medication to get her BP down. It would go down, then go right back up again. She was already answering questions and had most of her motor skills back, although she was still a little confused and didn’t feel right.
I handed the doctor her prescriptions and told him we’d been to her regular doctor on Wednesday because of increased BP (and that we went to PREVENT something like this), and all she did was double the dose of the BP medication (even though I’d asked her to change it). The doctor wasn’t happy about that, or about the way the BP interacts with one of the other medications, which puts unnecessary pressure on her kidneys.
They did a CT scan without dye (because dye puts extra pressure on the kidneys, something I did not know), and it looked good.
But he wanted her admitted and monitored.
The local hospital only has the ER open. It’s closed to inpatients for another three weeks. They had to call around to see which hospital would accept her, and then find an ambulance to take her.
Berkshire Medical Center down in Pittsfield accepted her, but then they had to find a bed for her in the right unit (she had to go into the cardiac/neuro unit). Once that was settled, they gave me the information, but we had to wait for an ambulance.
Once again, the EMS people were great. They got her heated blankets for the trip. They told me not to go down tonight, because that unit is strict about visitors and there would be at least two hours of intake anyway. If something changed for the worse, they would call me.
Everyone was masked through all this, which made me feel more secure.
And the sign on the door of the ER is a big one that states, “You are safe” which is the first time I’ve seen anything like that on a medical facility.
She went off in the ambulance in one direction, and I went home.
I made myself some scrambled eggs (I hadn’t had lunch, much less dinner). The cats were upset, especially Willa, who had a complete meltdown, because my mother is Willa’s Human. She sat on the stairs for awhile, when I came back in by myself, and then started crying. She ran around the house screaming. She wouldn’t eat. She then stayed on my mom’s bed.
Tessa went to try and take care of Willa. Charlotte stuck close to me and was on her best behavior.
I called the nurses’ station a couple of times, but my mom was still in the intake process, so they couldn’t tell me much.
I finally went to bed, after giving Willa and Charlotte their bedtime snacks. I tried to keep the routine as similar as possible, even though the timing was different.
I didn’t sleep much or well, although Tessa and Charlotte took shifts with me.
I was up around my usual time on Sunday morning. I fed the cats. Willa wouldn’t eat. She was very depressed and on my mom’s bed.
I checked with the nurses’ station. They said she had a good night, and I should come down when visiting hours began at 10 AM.
I did the usual morning routine of yoga, meditation, breakfast, chores. I packed up some stuff I thought my mom would enjoy: a stuffed dog, some toiletries, her puzzle books, a book to read, her phone charger.
I answered emails and social media posts; everyone has been so kind and supportive, and it’s so much appreciated. It feels good to be within a supportive community, both virtually and physically. Neighbors and locals from the various parts of my life are letting me know that I shouldn’t be shy about asking for whatever I need. Far-flung friends are also offering support. It makes such a big difference.
Around 9:30, I headed to Pittsfield. I found the hospital easily enough, although I went into the wrong building first. But I found my way to the right one, got another visitor badge, and got directions to the unit.
The nurses and health aides are all very nice. My mom was in a room with another woman, who was transferred to a rehab facility while I was in there. Again, very nice EMS workers transferred her, although the woman was nasty to them.
All my mom’s nurses introduced themselves to me. She had a good night, and her BP was down, They found some fluid in her lungs and gave her Lasix to deal with that. I joked that they were treating her like a racehorse; the resident doctors didn’t know that Lasix is used in horseracing, so we talked about that for a bit.
She has full motor control and speech back, which surprised all of them. The Physical Therapist and the Occupational Therapist both stopped by to work with her and assess her, in case we needed more help at home than I could give, or if she needed to go into rehab in order to regain any skills. But she was perfectly coherent, and when the PT said, “can you walk on your own?” my mom practically sprinted down the corridor and the PT had to rush to keep up. She had my mom demonstrate she could go up and down the stairs by herself. The OT had to demonstrate she could dress herself and take care of bathing, going to the toilet, etc. They were all very impressed that she’s still so independent.
The nurse said one of the reasons she’s able to make such good progress is because I called the ambulance right away and they could start treating her. Both heart and stroke have very short treatment windows before there’s irretrievable loss. I’m glad I didn’t second guess myself on that.
I was there for about three hours. They had no idea when the MRI or other tests would happen, and there wasn’t anything else I could do, so I came home.
I went a different route home, so I could stop by Wild Oats on the way home. They’d seen the posts on social media and wished me well. Amongst other things, I bought a bag of chocolate covered pretzels and stress ate the entire bag when I got home.
I put the meatloaf in the oven, made the mashed potatoes, and steamed some vegetables. I talked to my mom after her lunch finally showed up: she was not impressed. The tomato was unripe and they don’t know how to use fresh herbs, and she misses my cooking.
I did the dishes and put away the leftovers. I played with Willa for a bit. She was still very depressed.
I fell asleep on the couch for a couple of hours, with Charlotte on top of me, and woke up with sore muscles, and still tired. I had a cup of tea, checked on the cats, and talked to my mom again. Her dinner was better, especially the piece of lemon cake with whipped cream. She had her MRI just before 8 PM, although they wouldn’t know the results until Monday.
I went to bed right after I talked to her, once I gave Willa and Charlotte their bedtime snacks. I figured if I woke up in the middle of the night, I ‘d get some work done. But I slept through until 6AM and still woke up feeling like roadkill with a massive headache.
I kept to the regular morning routine. Willa wasn’t eating much, but she seems a little less depressed. I got her to play with her favorite mouse for a few minutes. Tessa is trying to keep us all on schedule: supervising breakfast and dishes and litter box cleaning. Charlotte is being as good and quiet as possible.
I caught up on emails, and sent off some emails explaining I’d have to make adjustments to commitments this week. I turned around some coverage score sheets. I booked the hotel in Cooperstown for my play reading – a chain hotel, but it’s simple and near the theatre, and all I need for an overnight.
I started working on LEGERDEMAIN when my mom called. They told her she can go home on Monday, although they want to do a couple more tests. And they don’t think it was a stroke, after all. I checked with the nurses’ station; they don’t have an order that she could go home, so we agreed I’d go to the hospital around 1 PM and we’d see where we are.
That meant saving the LEGERDEMAIN episode I started and switching back to coverage work, so I can get that cleared off my desk before I go. I had trouble concentrating, but I got a few things done.
I left the house around noon; did a drop-off/pickup at the library, put gas in the car, and headed to the hospital. My mom was eating her lunch, a not-very-good grilled cheese, when I arrived. They talked about maybe doing some more tests, then decided not to. I had a chat with the doctor, and she was discharged.
We drove home through Pittsfield, and I stopped at CVS for the new medications. Getting her up the stairs exhausted her, but we did it, and she rested for a bit. She’s definitely not 100% — when she gets tired, there’s a little bit of droop to the left side of her mouth, she gets some words mixed up, and doesn’t always understand what is said to her. I don’t care what they’re calling it – she had a stroke, and feel as though they rushed her out. Because of money, no doubt. I mean, they were very nice to her, but discharge felt like we were being dismissed.
Willa was like a different cat within five minutes. She was waiting at the top of the stairs when we came in. As soon as we had my mom settled, and my mom petted her, Willa went and ate the food out of everybody’s dishes (after barely eating for the last two days). She even started playing a bit. And stuck close to my mom. Tessa and Charlotte both came to say hello to my mom.
I heated up the meatloaf and mashed potatoes, which made her happy. She was so delighted to have some real food again. She felt bad about not doing dishes, but I told her she was off any sort of chore duty for at least the week. We’ll see how she does next week, and then maybe add in something simple here and there. I know she needs activity, but I don’t want it to be too much too soon.
She sat in her chair in the livingroom for a bit, but went to bed early. I kept checking on her to make sure she was breathing, because there was definitely some regression since we left the hospital. I went to bed fairly early myself, but popped up every few hours to check on her. Willa stayed curled on the bed with her. Tessa and Charlotte were both with me.
By 4 AM, I figured I might as well get up (after a weird dream about a friend’s film screening).
I turned around three short coverages to very specific scoring criteria, and a handful of scoring sheets.
I did not feed the cats at 4 AM, although I fed them a little after 5, and pushed the coffee a bit.
My mom seemed okay when she woke up around 6:30, although she opted to go back to bed for a bit (she likes to stay in bed until 7 or a little later). Willa sticks by her to be a good nurse. She’s pretty coherent this morning and talking in complete sentences, at least so far. We’ll see how she does with the medications and she’ll take it easy today.
I have to go get an oil change for the car this morning (and it desperately needs it). This afternoon, I will probably just do gentle yoga. I’m not comfortable leaving her on her own for very long.
I’m worried that because she did well in the hospital tests, we won’t get the support we need now that we’re home, and, at tomorrow’s doctor’s appointment, I want to discuss that with the doctor.
I have no idea what the next few days will bring. Taking it one day at a time. While I’ve lightened my commitments outside the house, I need to bring in some higher-paid freelance work on a flexible schedule. The script coverage isn’t cutting it, although that’s the type of work that’s best suited to this situation.
Onward. Would appreciate it if you kept a good thought.
