So many ideas, so few spoons…

CN: post-surgery stuff: side effects, mentions of bruising

Today is 13 days after my gallbladder removal surgery, otherwise known as a cholecystectomy. Other than the barfies and vertigo from painkillers that I decided NOPE on and an abdominal bruise that looked like my navel had been bashed with a thousand hockey pucks, everything seems to be going as expected. The bruise is looking much better and has gone from five colours of ow to only two. Our bodies are amazing things.

For the past two years, I have been ill as heckin’ heck, even became afraid of eating. That’s how bad my gallbladder systemically affected me. And still, I was heavily involved in the production of Season One: Iris and the Crew Tear Through Space! and even finished a substantive editing assignment just days before the operation. Spoonies… we often do a shocking amount of work despite feeling craptastic.

So, now what? I have nothing scheduled at all. No editing assignments, no books going into production. All this free time.

I’m so bored.

I know what I would like to do though. I’d like to finish the futuristic awkward romance nobody wanted—Hot Wings and Sauciness—but every time I try to work on it, my brain says, “What? We have to think now?” This morning, I tried to write a blog about editing on my company’s website, and my brain said, “Ugh, this requires effort too.”

Okay, so maybe it’s still too early to arrange words. What about crafting? I love crafts!

Nope. I sat down for a few minutes, and the thought of starting a project resulted in me napping all afternoon.

That led me to remember a thing. I am also recovering from burnout. Before the cholecystectomy, I was reminding myself that I have to respect my burnout and only do what I can. No pushing.

Sure, right now I would like to

gather a team of volunteers for the Spoonie Authors Network to support the works of creatives even morefinish Hot Wings and Sauciness and share its romantic whackiness with the worldbegin the audiobook recording of Iris and the Crew do promo events for Iris and the Crewmake an untold amount of jewellery and learn how to use my 3-D printer penparticipate on writers’ panels get back into my exercise routine hang out with friends and do fun stuffread so many books

But I am really tired, body and mind. Fibromyalgia is still running among the background processes too, so that’s also a factor.

So, in the end, for right now at least, I need to be patient. My long-suffering Broose has been wonderful throughout all of this. Maybe when I can keep alert, we will assemble those Formula One race car LEGO builds.

Hopefully my energy will come back at least a bit more soon. One day at a time, right?

Hey, at least I wrote this blog entry! That’s a thing!

Let’s see what next week brings!

May those of you who are low in spoons remember to be kind to yourself. I hope you generate more spoons soon.

Cait Gordon is an autistic, disabled, and queer Canadian writer of speculative fiction that celebrates diversity. She is the author of the award-nominated disability-hopepunk adventure, Season One: Iris and the Crew Tear Through Space! Cait also founded the Spoonie Authors Network and joined Talia C. Johnson to co-edit the multi-genre, disability fiction anthologies Nothing Without Us (a 2020 Prix Aurora Award finalist) and Nothing Without Us Too (a 2023 Prix Aurora Award winner).

Header photo by Negative Design on Pexels.com.