Parenting

 

“After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers,

listening to them and asking them questions.

And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers.” (Luke 2:42-47)

By Stephen W. Hiemstra

The first image of transcendence that we encounter in life is that of our parents. A good parent launches children who are bereft of the self-referencing problem and point their children like spiritual directors beyond themselves to God. This encourages their children to individualize themselves from their parents and to realize a reference point beyond any childhood fixation, preparing them for adulthood better than their peers. A solid understanding of transcendence is accordingly important in maturation and spiritual formation.

Coming-of-Age Milestones

In the Jewish tradition, the transition into adulthood at the age of twelve was marked by bar mitzvah, which translates from the Hebrew as son of the law. Today, we also see bat mitzvah, which translates as daughter of the law. In Luke’s Gospel we read about Jesus participating in this tradition at age twelve, as the citation above suggests.

While the bar mitzvah tradition persists, entry into adulthood in the postmodern world is often delayed even beyond college graduation, because the financial independence required to succeed as an adult simply continues to be delayed. This financial reality complicates relationships between young adults and parents due to the absence of clear boundaries and expectations.

The counter-example prevalent is today’s helicopter parent who is characterized as an adult lacking well-formed personal boundaries or sense of transcendence. The parent alternatively clings to the child and lives vicariously through the child hoping to encourage the child to live out a script that they themselves were unable to. Emulating, trumpeting, and sheltering the child’s desires and interests leads the child to develop a narcissistic worldview, which has increasingly become a dysfunctional, cultural norm.

The Christian Family

One of the defining characteristics of the Christian faith is honoring each individual, regardless of age, as being created in the image of a transcendent God—note the clear boundaries in honor. The Apostle Paul’s writing is clear: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Gal 3:28) No ethnic group is better than any other; no economic class is better than any other; and no gender is better than any other. Paul goes on to extend his concept to the family:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Eph 6:1–4)

Because we are all created in the image of God, no age group is better than any other. Neither a newborn, nor a senior standing at the gates of heaven is better than one another. Christians are to value life stages equally by honoring each stage, and not clinging to any particular stage as if it were preferred.

An echo of the creation mandate can be found in the Christmas story where the love and care demonstrated by Joseph and Mary in the birth narratives of Jesus in Matthew 1 and Luke 2 offer a significant theological point. Jesus had dirty diapers like the rest of us and he later suffered a painful, dishonorable death on a cross. The author of Hebrews writes: 

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Heb 4:15–16)

In other words, when we face Christ on the Day of Judgment, we will face a judge that understands our weaknesses and sin because he lived among us. If God were merely transcendent, then this experience would be absent. Who has not benefited from parental love or faced a challenging family situation? If Christ has benefitted from family life, then that should be an example to the rest of us.

Options Considered

Someone who like Augustine decided to look up and consider the options was a talented English professor named Rosario Butterfield. The details of Dr. Butterfield’s spiritual journey began with a project on the Christian Right designed as opposition research to further her career in queer theory.

Butterfield’s claim to be a researcher in the gay rights movement is not lite fluff. Consider her reading list in preparing her proposed book. She read Augustine’s Confessions (Foley 2006), John Calvin’s (2006) Institutes of the Christian Religion, and Kevin Vanhoozer’s (1998) Is There a Meaning in This Text? These books challenge most seminary students—if they have read them at all—and they are required reading in understanding Christian hermeneutics and epistemology (Butterfield 2012, 4, 17, 50, 87-89). Her research also motivated her to study the Bible in Greek—the language of the New Testament—for five hours a day.

A newspaper article that she published critiquing the gender politics of Promise Keepers generated a lot of mail, including a thoughtful letter from a local pastor, Pastor Ken, who invited her to call and discuss the article. She called and began a conversation that extended over a period of years. She never completed the book project because she became convinced that what the Bible said about God was true (Butterfield 2012, 3-13, 94).

Baptized and raised Roman Catholic, Rosario began attending and later joined the Reformed Presbyterian Church and gave up her career. She later married a pastor and wanted to raise a family, but she was too old—because of her detour into lesbianism—to have children of her own so she adopted some.

Parenting

Also see:

The Face of God in the Parables
The Who Question
Preface to a Life in Tension
Other ways to engage online:



Author site: http://www.StephenWHiemstra.net
Publisher site: http://www.T2Pneuma.com

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