The lost sheep, a tax collector, and what might have happened

I pushed in closer to hear the teacher, Jesus.The gaze of the Pharisees burned on my back —those religious men who wouldn’t speakto me in the street and paraded around like kings in their fancy garments metingout their judgements. I didn’t speak their language, and they sure didn’t speakmine.

One of them said about Jesus, “This manwelcomes sinners and eats with them.” The shame washed over me as the words foundtheir mark—they thought little of people like me.

Though some called him Rabbi, Jesus seemeddifferent from the other religious people. He told stories and spoke in ways I couldunderstand. Wearing a simple garment, he didn’t set himself apart by the way hedressed.

But following him might be more difficultthan I imagined—he’d just told us a person has to give up everything to be hisdisciple.

My fingers tightened around my money bag. Allright I’d admit it, I’d taken a cut of the taxes. Did this Jesus know? A womanI'd met by the well said he could look right into a person’s heart.

The teacher lifted his hand as he spoke, “Supposeone of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them.”

Before my tax collecting job, I worked asa shepherd for a while—too lonely and dirty for my taste. I knew I would have beenin big trouble had I lost one of the flock. I knew about being lost, too, me being an orphan from an early age, never had a home to speak of. I've traveled from place to place, doing various jobs, finally stopping here as a tax collector--only to be despised. 

“Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in theopen country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?”

All the shepherds I knew would have.

“Then he calls his friends and neighborstogether and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’”

Another sheep herder I knew once lost a sheep and was sure glad to find it in athicket, because he wouldn’t have to report it to his boss. 

Jesus shifted his gaze before he spokeagain. And now, he stared straight at me. I swallowed hard.

“I tell you that in the same way therewill be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than overninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”

Those eyes. He could see. He knew what I’ddone. Not just taking the money, but all of it—the lies, the envy, the jealousy,and the bitterness that controlled me at times. And yet, love radiated fromhim, not condemnation, and it overwhelmed me with its power.

For a moment I stood unable to move, andthen, I broke away, slipping back through the crowd, as fast as my sandalswould carry me. The teacher continued to speak, words about a lost coinringing out over those gathered. My chest grew tight as I tried to hold myself together. I neededsomeplace private to do what I needed to do. I kept walking, almost running to getbeyond the crowd, and then I saw it, out of sight from everyone—an empty sheep pen, the perfect spot.

I was that sinner Jesus spoke about whoneeded to repent—the lost sheep—hated by most. I collapsed, my face to the ground, and cried out,“Oh God,  I have sinned against you andothers, too. Please forgive me.” My tears made tracks mingling with the dustand dirt on my face, and the sound of my sobs rose in the air. I threw  my money bag, my pride,my self-will, and my hatred of those who looked down on me in that same dust. Idecided somehow, and I didn’t know how, I’d try to make it right about what I’dtaken.

It didn’t matter anymore that the religiouspeople hated me, because this Jesus saw everything about me and yet His love, Hispresence changed everything.

From a distance, the words of Jesus echoed again, “I tellyou, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinnerwho repents.”

As if on cue, a shepherd with a flock of sheep arrived from the field to spend the night in the pen.

I couldn't help but think that like them, it was good to be under the shepherd's care.

(Luke 15:4-7 in quotes, the rest fiction, but maybe not.)

Beverly Varnado's most recent book is In Search of the Painted Bunting, a middle grade historical from Elk Lake Publishing, #1 in new releases in its category. She is also the author of several small town romances from Anaiah Press including her latest, A Season for Everything. All are available at Amazon. To explore the web version of One Ringing Bell, please visit bev-oneringingbell.blogspot.comTo sign up for her newsletter, go to http://eepurl.com/dHNdsX Beverly Varnado copyright 2023