feral updates

i have been feeling low. i know i could do yoga & hike…just even spend some time outside & alleviate the pain in my soul…but somehow i don’t want to. i don’t want to feel better. i mean, i DO want to feel better, but i want to feel better in a way that is more forever, not just a flirting day or two of not wanting to jump off a bridge…. i have begun to wonder if i need to go deeper. go down to come up? i keep imagining diving into water & just going down until i find the fucking bottom of this mess that is my broken heart.

then maybe i could heal?

i wonder how to do that exactly. i feel like i have explored some pretty fucking deep & dark crevices of me. what more do i have to drag to the surface so the sunshine can cleanse it?

speaking of sunshine, i thought it was the cloudy winter days doing me in, but now it has been several days of sunshine, and that is almost worse. i can’t wait for the sun to set so the night can give me relief from my dwelling on all my failings….

right now, all i have is my art & my writings.

they are my tools.

they will help me dig my way down…& hopefully back up again.