When Love Hurts
Ahhh, Valentine’s Day.
The air is awash with the smell of overpriced roses, my dining room table is covered with glitter from my school-age children’s card-making, and my waistline is telling me I absolutely do not need anymore of those delicious heart-shaped chocolates.
Okay, yes, I sound a bit cynical. I’m not a huge fan of the holiday. BUT I do appreciate the idea behind it–this one special day to go out of our way and express love to those around us. For someone like me who often gets overwhelmed by my “to do” list and forgets to slow down enough to sometimes remind my people just how much they mean to me, it’s a good reminder to do just that.
But, for some people, Valentine’s Day is tough. Maybe you’re one of those people.
Single. Divorced. Widowed.
Or maybe your’e in a relationship but it’s abusive. Or just hard. Or flat-out failing.
On this day in which we celebrate love, it can be easy to forget just how many out there are living in a world without it.
In 1 Corinthians 13, we find perhaps the most famous passage about love.
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.” (verses 1-8a)
I don’t know about you but, looking around me, I see very little love that is patient. Very little love that is not proud. Even less love that is not self-seeking. And not just out in the world–but in my own heart too.
And that can lead to a lot of disappointment. You see, deep down, in the innermost part of our souls, each one of us knows what true love looks like. Even if we didn’t have this passage from the Bible, we’d know. And we’d also know how impossible it was to find.
Many people have never found the type of love mentioned above. They have been abused or neglected, used or mistreated. But, truth be told, even if those who are in loving, committed stable relationships soon discover they are not perfect. They are not always kind. They do not always keep no record of wrongs. They do not always trust or protect.
That’s because the passage above is showing us what PERFECT love looks like–the love that Christ demonstrates for us. And while we should absolutely try to emulate it by walking in step with the Holy Spirit, it’s important for us to remember that the most perfect and true love we will ever find on this earth is the one God offers us every single day.
But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. (verses 8b-12, emphasis mine).
Our love should be a reflection of Christ’s love, but it can never replace the real thing—because it is impossible to do so. We as broken sinful people can never truly live up to the standards put forth in these verses, no matter how hard we try. Even the best, most healthy relationship we can find will only give us a glimpse (a “part”) of the love for which each our hearts long.
Because while, yes, we were made to love one another, we were first and foremost created to love God and be loved by Him in return with the perfect kind of love only He can offer.
So, dear friends, take heart on this Valentine’s Day. Whether you are married or single, alone or surrounded by people, true love is still openly available to you every moment of every day. Past or present “loves” may have hurt or disappointed you, but I can guarantee you that God never will. Lean into Him today, resting in the truth of what He has done out of his perfect love for you.
He is the best and most wonderful forever Valentine.
