David Davis

As a kid, I loved the Proust questionnaires in the back of my mom’s Vanity Fair magazines. Most of the articles went over my head, but these deceptively straightforward glimpses into the lives of famous actors, athletes, artists, and other figures were perfect for a young reader.

Believing their subjects’ answers to be both extemporaneous and deeply serious (I’ve always been very literal), the idea of doing one myself seemed entirely overwhelming. Now I understand that it’s all in good fun—not a federal deposition. I’ve always dreamed of assigning them to my friends. Maybe this will get the ball rolling.

David’s Proust Questionnaire

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Overcoming pain

What is your greatest fear?

Pain

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Cowardice

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Hypocrisy

Which living person do you most admire?

At the moment I am thinking of Dr. Amira Al-Assouli.

What is your greatest extravagance?

Using plastic containers to store food. Living alone. Thriftbooks.com.

What is your current state of mind?

Irritable, but fine

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Self-control

On what occasion do you lie?

Frequently, but only rarely about anything of consequence

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

The secret to feeling confident about your appearance is to never disclose what you dislike about it.

Which living person do you most despise?

Genocide Joe is as good an answer as any.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Strength

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Whatever makes her feel nice!

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

At the moment, “It’s developmental!”

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Jade

When and where were you happiest?

I don’t like to think about this question.

Which talent would you most like to have?

Being able to dance well appears to feel amazing.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I have to admit that I often wish that I were healthy.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Writing

If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

Ah, to be a beloved cockatiel living, uncaged, among indulgent bourgeois lesbians.

Where would you most like to live?

Who wouldn’t relish a sturdy cottage on the Southeastern coast of Iceland?

What is your most treasured possession?

I don’t think I treasure possessions that much, though I adore living among my books.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Being ill and unshowered and alone and broke while far away from home

What is your favorite occupation?

Writing

What is your most marked characteristic?

Anxiety

What do you most value in your friends?

Conviction, creativity, and calm

Who are your favorite writers?

Vladimir Nabokov, Dennis Cooper, Gayl Jones, Cormac McCarthy, Toni Morrison, John Berger, E.M. Forster, Edith Wharton, Chip Delany

Who is your hero of fiction?

Hannibal Lecter

Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Gary Indiana is still living, but recently I’ve begun to feel strongly that we are the same person.

Who are your heroes in real life?

People who take care of other people and animals even when it would be easier not to

What are your favorite names?

I love my own name, actually.

What is it that you most dislike?

God, where do I start? I take it personally when city people don’t train their goddamn dogs.

What is your greatest regret?

Probably going to college

How would you like to die?

Quickly, painlessly, and unexpectedly

What is your motto?

“There’s no accounting for taste.”

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