let your hands be hands, don’t turn them into a weapon.

I was in ninth grade in school. That’s the first time I had a reality check. It was sudden, sharp and quick, like a slap to your face or a bucket of water on your face. That’s how quick it was. It wasn’t a slow realisation. It was sudden.

It was lunch time. I was out with my three other female friends. We were talking about something and somehow it turned into a conversation about guys. This one girl, my friend at the time, said, “That was the first time my dad hit me.”

The smile and laugh washed off my face. I was speechless, numb, and blank.

I was the youngest among them, so I was around 13 or maybe 14, I don’t remember.

Having grown up seeing abuse very closely, I didn’t have a single clue about it. I didn’t know other kids were treated differently. I didn’t know what I’d seen was wrong and shouldn’t have happened. I didn’t know it was abuse, that it was unjust and wrong.

In our world, “abuse” as I’ve come to know now was and still is very common yet nobody seems to care about it. Everyone I knew had something similar and horrifying to share. Yet nobody thought “That doesn’t sound right.”

“My mother locked me in the dark storage room.” “My dad slapped me because I yelled.” “Mom beat the shit out of me when I wasn’t eating.” The various abusive terms used in our language that the parents used in front of and in context with their kids.

It was all abuse, abuse, and more abuse everywhere.

“But he just hit you once.” “Your sister was beaten more than you. You don’t have to complain.”

Can I only speak about it when it’s worse than others? Why do I need to speak about it only if I’m dying and hospitalized from this abuse?

Why can’t abuse, even if it’s a single slap or a thousand slaps, be seen for what it is?

Abuse can be of different types. You talking shit to your kids. You hitting them. “Oh but his father was angry and my son was annoying him when he knows better.” “But my kids don’t listen to me until I make them understand with my hands.“

Your kid shouldn’t have to know better. You are the parent. It’s your responsibility to be the guardian. You know why it’s called guardian? Because you are supposed to look after them and save them!

We don’t know something is wrong until someone points it out to us.

The belt shouldn’t be something your kid is afraid of. Your shoes, hands, legs, mouth, stick, everything you used as a weapon, the kids shouldn’t be afraid of them. It breaks them. It leaves scars on them.

As kids, we all are exposed to phones these days. And instead of raising awareness, all I see is memes, funny videos and skit talking about “abuse” as if it’s okay. Instead of talking about it, we’re making jokes which are then labelled as relatable and dark humour content.

Your kid should be relating to “my dad bought me flowers just because” videos. They shouldn’t be relating to “dads hitting my sibling about…so and so…when I’m about to talk about…so and so” videos.

Abuse is so common here that nobody even questions it. It’s NORMAL. I repeat again in case it didn’t hit you – ITS NORMAL TO HIT YOUR KIDS! BUT IT’S NOT OKAY TO TALK ABOUT IT.

When and how and where as a society did we go so wrong? That our kids think it’s okay to be abused? To think it’s okay to use sarcasm and jokes as a defence/ coping mechanism when it comes to talking/ sharing stories about abuse? That they think every kid is treated the same way? That it’s not a big deal?

It’s so normal to abuse them, be it verbally, physically, mentally, emotionally, everything, every form of abuse is normal. Even if you don’t have the time to see the numbers, you can see how grave this situation by talking to people around you or just look at the numbers of likes and comments on such “abuse” videos. You’ll know and learn enough. HOW CAN IT BE OKAY TO HURT SOMEONE?

“But he only hit him once when he lost his cool.” “She knows better than to not argue with me.”

If you, as a parent, be it at the age of 25, or 35, or 47, or 57, CAN NOT CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS, then you do not and should not have kids. It’s as simple as that.

Your kids shouldn’t escape you. You’re supposed to be the person they look up to and turn to when the world is harsh, not someone they need to escape.

In simple terms, the kids should feel safe with you.

If you can’t protect your kids, if you can’t control your anger, if you are unable to talk nicely like a decent human being, if you can only talk with your hands and legs instead of mouth, if you’re not a nice human who doesn’t know what abuse is, then YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE A PARENT.

I didn’t know it then.

Years later, I know better now.

And if I can save even one kid, help even one soul, then I’ll know why all these sufferings were worth it.

You are 30, the kid is 5. How can you hit them? How can you abuse them? How can you hurt something you gave life to? Why do you think you deserve, or have the right to mistreat them?

“I gave life to them, I can do whatever I want.” Okay, then.

Since you gave them their lives, I think it’s only fair they return that favour by treating you the same way once they are old enough.

It’s fair game, right?

Well, do you have the answers for that?

This isn’t a race of who gets hurt more. This isn’t a competition of which abuse is more severe and deserves more attention than others.

ABUSE is ABUSE. It’s as simple as that.

There’s no other explanation and complication to this statement.

I hope you are kind to people around you and if you see someone struggling, please help them. Even if it’s by being there for them.

I hope your sufferings end today.

I hope you smile more today and from today onwards.

I hope you find a safe haven.

And to those assholes who think abuse is normal, I hope you KARMA finds you.