Helping Your Kids Overcome Shame and Build Self-Esteem
Feeling ashamed can make children believe they’re not good enough, damaging their confidence. Shame can arise from various sources, including mistakes, bullying, feeling different, or facing criticism. This feeling often fuels negative self-talk, such as “I’m stupid,” “I’m ugly,” or “I’m a failure.”
As a parent, witnessing your children struggle with shame can be distressing. However, you can assist them in coping and thriving by implementing the following tips:
Validate their feelings: Instead of dismissing or downplaying your kids’ shame, acknowledge and empathize with them. You might say, “I understand you feel ashamed about what happened. It’s normal to feel that way sometimes. But remember, shame doesn’t define who you are or what you can do.”Use humour to lighten the mood: Incorporating jokes can create a more cheerful atmosphere and alleviate stress. You can help your kids laugh at themselves, find humour in situations, or gain perspective. For example, share an anecdote like, “Hey, everyone makes mistakes. Remember when I burned the toast and set off the fire alarm? That was hilarious!”Praise their efforts: Instead of solely focusing on outcomes, commend your children for their efforts and progress. This approach fosters a growth mindset, encouraging them to believe in their ability to improve through hard work and learning. For instance, say, “I’m proud of you for giving your best effort. You worked hard on that project and learned much from the experience.”Challenge negative self-talk: Help your kids learn how to spot and swap negative thoughts with more upbeat and realistic ones. Utilize questions, facts, or affirmations to assist them in this process. For example, ask, “Is that thought really true? What evidence supports it? What would you say to a friend in the same situation? How about trying, ‘I’m smart and capable. I can handle this.'”Instill a growth mindset: Encourage your children to adopt a growth mindset, believing they can enhance their abilities through effort and learning. Model this mindset yourself, celebrate their efforts, encourage them to try new things, and embrace mistakes as opportunities for growth.Share your failures: Open up about your failures and how you learned from them. This demonstrates to your kids that failure is a natural part of life’s journey, not a final verdict. It also humanizes you in their eyes, showing you’re imperfect. For example, recount a personal experience: “When I was your age, I failed a math test. I felt ashamed and dumb. But then I realized I could learn from my mistakes. I studied harder, sought help, and practised more. And you know what? I aced the next test!”Foster a loving home environment: Create a nurturing and supportive home where your children feel loved unconditionally. Show them respect, kindness, and empathy. Listen to them attentively, spend quality time together, and engage in enjoyable activities. Ensure they feel safe, secure, and valued.Shame can erode children’s sense of worth and impact their self-esteem. However, by validating their feelings, incorporating humour, praising their efforts, challenging negative self-talk, promoting a growth mindset, sharing their failures, and fostering a loving home environment, you can help your kids develop healthy self-worth and confidence.
For additional resources aimed at assisting children in overcoming shame and enhancing self-esteem, consider the following products:
Empowering Cards for Kids: These cards promote mindfulness, affirmations, self-esteem, relaxation, and more, helping kids manage stress, anxiety, and negative emotions while encouraging confidence and positivity.Self-Love for Kids: This book offers over 100 activities to foster self-love, covering gratitude, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, and self-care, empowering kids to boost their self-worth and self-acceptance.Special Needs Developmental Toys: Designed to improve cognitive, motor, social, and emotional skills, these toys support children with special needs such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and physical disabilities, aiding their overall development.Being Me: A Kid’s Guide to Boosting Confidence and Self-Esteem: This book equips kids with strategies to navigate social challenges, enhance self-confidence, and cope with bullying, providing valuable insights and techniques to overcome fears and insecurities.Resource Cards to Help Build Self-Esteem: These cards contain positive messages, affirmations, and reflective questions to encourage kids to recognize their strengths, values, and goals, facilitating the development of a healthy self-image.Contact EducateAble at namita@educateable.in or consult Topmate Namita Das for personalized mental wellness services for inquiries or feedback. Stay informed about upcoming sessions and workshops by subscribing to our website.
